She loves me, she loves me not: Black, White, or Illegal Alien?

I touched on issues surrounding the term illegal alien* a couple weeks ago in Walking the (color)Line, when I mentioned a couple ways I suspected this term has affected my children’s perceptions of the Hispanic community. There was a part of me that wondered whether I was reading too much into things… but let’s just say that’s no longer a concern. Within the last week or two, I read a blog or article about multiracial girls being asked what color their husbands would be. I wondered if Halle had ever heard or been asked something like this. I made a little note to self to bring it up, but Thursday night in the car, she raised the subject. She was talking about how she was going to date a boy for one year when she grew up, and asked if that was too long. I told her it depended on the boy; with some boys, a year might be too long, with another, a year may not be long enough. She suddenly started talking about whether this boy might be white or black and something about so and so… I interrupted and asked if people asked her that, and she confirmed. Then I asked, “Do you guys talk about that?” and she responds matter of factly, “Oh, yeah.” I asked if that was something that had just come up this year, and she said no, it was last year too. I asked how it came up, and she said, just when they talk about who they think is cute. She continued with her story…

“Anyway, so and so asked me once, and I said he would probably be Black or White, but not Mexican, but then I met Tristan, and I like him and I think he’s cute, and he’s Mexican…”

Her voice trailed off.

Daija’s Hair Doodles

I need to find the charger for the digital camera so I can get a better video, but this is how we refresh our Doodles (check out the curly hair page for more pics & details) in the mornings.

Crazy Hair Day

written by Love Isn’t Enough contributor Catherine Anderson
originally published in Hip Mama Magazine (Issue 44-Creativity Issue-October 2009)

When crazy hair day is posted
as this week’s Friday activity
(last week was a picture of your pet,
the week prior a souvenir…)
you, the mother of the only
African-American child
in the preschool class
has the right to
pause
and consider
your approach.

 

Do you comment,
boycott,
suggest an alternative,
adapt
or educate?
You consider
each of the above
in three second
intervals
and land
on the combination
you are most familiar with:
adapt and educate

 

When your son’s hair
does not invite
barrettes, gel, or braids
you have reason to consider
the value of
crazy hair day.

 

On the Thursday before
you mention to the teacher in your most
diplomatic
engaging
and cautiously insistent
voice that it would be appreciated if the class
could consider options for all kinds of hair
for success tomorrow.

 

 

Excuse me?

 

Well, crazy hair day can be a little
complicated for tight curly hair
like his.

 

A flash of realization washes over her face.

 

Oh my, I hadn’t considered..

 

It’s fine.
We’ll figure it out.
They have hair sprays
you tell her, in pink and blue..

 

Your scour the shelves of the drug store
and explain to the manager
wearing the toupee
your predicament.
45 minutes later
as the groceries melt in the trunk
you find it,
the perfect solution
tucked behind the blush
and the tanning cream

 

***

 

Three days later and Sam still has
silver sparkle intergalactic eyeshadow
in his hair-
in five
long
Star Wars pilot Darth Vader
stripes.

It was a huge success.
and lasted longer then the braids,
the gel, the rubber bands and
all the other
Caucasian hair accouterments.

 

Crazy.

Crazy Hair Day | Love Isn’t Enough – on raising a family in a colorstruck world.

“My People Are…” promotes positive racial & ethnic identity in ALL children

Disney Racefail

Sometimes, I just don’t know what to say. The next time disney pulls something from the vault and releases it as “remastered” I’m going to have some questions!

crossposted from Sociological Images

For more posts on Disney princesses, look here, here, here, here, and here.  Two other great posts include this rejection letter (”we don’t hire women”) and this post on the original inclusion of black slaves in Fantasia.

[Love Isn't Enough editor's note: Note, too, that but for Jazmin, who is kind of brownish, Disney's princesses hold fast to a European-influenced beauty hierarchy.]

Hat tip to Jezebel for alerting me to this post. Also on Jezebel, see what one woman is doing to make Barbies more diverse. It’s awesome! I’ve never wanted a Barbie before, but now…

Genevieve wrote:

When I was in high school, I did a report on Race and Gender in Disney for History Day. The report itself was weak (I was 14 years old), and I still have a soft spot for Disney, since I was raised with it and their movies are visually masterful, but this post reaffirms what I was trying to get across to the judges: that Disney does promote messages that are actively harmful, and whether or not that’s deliberate, they have a responsibility as providers of entertainment for children to be responsible in the messages being sent. Then that got into a whole capitalism-responsibility debate (if you don’t like it, don’t watch, etc.), plus the fact that my topic was considered a bit unsavory, I think.

Some major things that I really felt strongly on were the rewriting of Pocahontas’s history (REAL PERSON) and the Mulan story (Here: Mulan was a SUPER-PATRIOTIC lady who served in the army for her family since her brothers were too young, and in the end, astonished her comrades by revealing she was a woman, since they never would have guessed. Vs. Disney’s Mulan who goes into and stays in the army for her father, falls in love with her commander, and, when revealed, uses, you guessed it, her sexuality, this time socially conditioned sexuality, to save… a man. Although apparently, there was a Chinese TV show that used the romance theme as a gag when Mulan’s general has to confront his “homosexuality.”). Oh, and Fantasia, of course, but no one ever believes me on that until they see the video for themselves.

“Beauty and the Beast” tends to break the mold (despite Belle’s lack of a mother, her motherish “fairy godmother” Mrs. Potts, and the clownish “gag fat woman” dresser/chiffarobe/thing). HOWEVER, this is due to the outright theft of the “Belle as bookish” motif from the novel “Beauty” by Robin McKinley (published fully 23 years before the 1991 movie release)– the library gift in particular is almost word-for-word what ended up in the film– in response to protest over “The Little Mermaid,” plus the theft of the Gaston archetype (and other visuals) from Cocteau’s film “Beauty and the Beast.”

Esmerelda, oddly, is not included as a Disney Princess at all, despite Mulan’s inclusion, and she’s not a princess, either. I think it’s because Esmerelda is seen as too sexual to be a role model, honestly. Then again, I remember my main impressions of “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” being that Esmerelda was gorgeous, and that Frollo was waaaaaay too creepy for me to begin to be comfortable with. Speaking of sex, Tinkerbell is heading the “Disney Fairies” line, which is nice, especially with the introduction of POC as other fairies; but she was originally introduced in Peter Pan (which is like a black hole of women- and race-related issues, seriously) as petty, vain, and sexualized, but who eventually redeems herself. I understand Hugo didn’t help by killing Esmerelda off in the source material, but as I recall, Tinkerbell dies in the Peter Pan book, as well. I guess you can sanitize the sex out of a white character, but not out of a brown one?

I’m concerned about “The Princess and the Frog,” because at first I was hoping Disney was just feeding off of HBO Family’s “Fairy Tales for Every Child,” but she still appears to be a traditionally “European” princess as far as dress and hairstyling go. Her turning into a frog for most of the movie is also an issue for me, but I was more stunned by the giant, fat, bipedal gator (a la All Dogs Go To Heaven) in the trailer to really analyze the “ethnically ambiguous” prince. Despite how happy I am we’re finally, officially getting a black princess, I would watch it by myself before I took anybody’s kid to see it.

Posted 02 Nov 2009 at 4:50 pm ¶

via Disney Princesses, Deconstructed | Love Isnt Enough – on raising a family in a colorstruck world.

Amy Hodgepodge

Check it out.

Nancy : “This story truly touched me.  The authors made me love Amy, love her family and feel everything she felt.  It teaches friendship, kindness and gives us all insight into how to be good people.”

Aileen: “As a teacher, I am so grateful to the authors for providing my students with such dynamic material.  My students immediately identified with the characters.  Finally, a series that addresses real concerns with humor and love.”                                                                     

Joyce: “I just ordered all four of your books for my grandkids and grandnieces and nephews.  Thanks for this delightful, wholesome series!”

Maria: “Finally! A book for children who are a hodgepodge of so many different things.  Thank you for doing this book.  I have no doubt it will have great success and I hope to see it evolve into a whole series of cartoons, merchandise, etc.!                                  

Michelle & Melydia: “Thank you, thank you, thank you! My daughter (6) and I just finished reading some of “All Mixed Up!   Our family consists of black and white, with marriages bringing in Portugese and Cuban, and adoptions bringing in Indian.  She related so much to this book.  Here  is what she said: “I like your book and can’t wait to finish it.  I like it because she looks like me.”

Jil: “I love AMY HODGEPODGE.  As a grown Mixed woman it is so exciting to get to know this girl.  I fell in love with her, her family and her friends.  So sweet, engaging, well-written and great illustrations.”              

Angela: “I just wanted to thank you SO much for your ground-breaking work in providing images for the multiracial generation!  I am the founder of Melting Pot Moms, a national organization for multiracial/multicultural/multiethnic families (through birth and adoption).  Your books reflect our children exactly!”

Sheryl: “I love these books!  Amy is such a sweet character.  My six-year old adores her, and my eight-year old next door neighbor does too.                                                                   

LC: “I can’t say enough how much I love this series.  Finally multiracial girls have a heroine in Amy Hodgepodge.  Amy is a great role model for all kids.  A great discovery!”

Kyle: “My daughter loves these books.  It’s definitely timely in that more and more families have mixed-race kids.  But the books are truly for everyone.”

Stephanie: “My six-year old daughter found this book and loves it.  She has announced that she wants to collect all the Amy Hodgepodge books and will be adding them to her bookshelf right next to her Junie B. Jones and Magic Tree House collections.”

Mary: “My granddaughter, who is seven, absolutely loves the Amy Hodgepodge books.  Amy and her friends are good kids who have lots of fun together and come up with good solutions to kids everyday problems and adventures.”                                                      

Ruby: “I love Amy Hodgepodge with a passion.”           

Shenita: “My girls love your book.  We read the first chapter last night , and they didn’t want me to put it down.”

Lisa: “My fourth-grade class is sooo enjoying listening to me read your delightful books to them.   They really relate to and love the character, Rusty, too.”

Kenya: “I read your book and couldn’t put it down.  I know it’s a children’s book, but I loved it.  This is an excellent book for biracial kids trying to find their place in the world.  It’s also a great book for all children to encourage them to be true to themselves and celebrate their differences and similarities.  I’m buying these  books for all my friends with kids!”

Reggie: “Almost all my nieces and nephews are multiracial.  They love your books and really related to them!”

Barbara: “Your books are such a great idea.   I am of mixed-race.  My mom is African-American and my dad is Latin-American.  I’m pregnant, so I’ll be stocking up on these books for my baby!”

Michelle: “Congratulations on your wonderful book series.  There’s a real need in this world for these books you’ve created.”

Daphne: “I just bought all the Amy Hodgepodge books off the shelf at Storyopolis bookstore.  You’d better have them reorder!”

Kim Wayans has numerous television and film credits and now brings her skill and charm to the stage with her own one-woman show. Part of a unique family of comedians, Kim Wayans has enjoyed working with her brothers, film and television stars Keenen, Damon, Marlon and Shawn. She starred with all of them on the groundbreaking television comedy sketch show IN LIVING COLOR and has worked with them in various combinations in such motion pictures as SCARY MOVIE 2, I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA, DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD AND LOW DOWN DIRTY SHAME. Kim starred in JUWANNA MANN with Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. And Viveca A. Fox. Kim’s first break in entertainment came when she was booked to do stand-up comedy at the The Laugh Factory and The Improv clubs in Hollywood. Since then, Wayans has made several guest television appearances, and has starred as a regular on Quincy Jones’ IN THE HOUSE opposite Debbie Allen and LL Cool J. She excelled as a producer, director and writer on the ABC comedy MY WIFE AND KIDS. Kim’s writing has expanded to plays and full length screen plays.  She is presently touring the country with her hit one-woman show, A HANDSOME WOMAN RETREATS.  Her latest project is a series of children’s books she wrote with her husband, entitled “AMY HODGEPODGE.”  This ground-breaking series gives a face and voice to multi-racial children, and is published by Penguin.

AmyHodgepodge.com.

Walking the (color)Line

WARNING – Racial Smog Ahead

Proceed with caution. If you have a low tolerance for white guilt (stage whisper: that’s code for, if you’re black) or tend to have defensive reactions during conversations about white privilege (stage whisper: that’s code for, if you’re white), I recommend some form of psychiatric medication or perhaps even the liberal use of recreational drugs before proceeding.

Know your limits. Step out of the sweat lodge as frequently as necessary.

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth

So something JUST occurred to me. Initially, I’d thought Prince Naveen being European (actually, Mediterranean… I googled him & he’s from “the land of Macedonia” which I assume to be the one in Greece?) could be a positive thing… reinforcing to little girls that black women are beautiful, period… not just beautiful to black men. But just now, as I was writing about something else, I made a connection I wish I hadn’t.

Could someone PLEASE teach the peeps at Disney (and Mattel) to use Google? PLEASE?!?!?!

White Parents, Black Babies

 I was reading a post at Womanist Musings about transracial adoption last week. I left a brief comment, but decided to post my somewhat lengthy thoughts here because a) my thoughts are more related to multiracial families rather than transracial adoption and b) I think she makes several excellent points that are relevant for biological parents of multiracial children.

I know what it is to love a child. I know what it is to hold their little hand and see the world through their eyes but children of color require more. This is not about special treatment, as much as it is arming them and protecting them from the certain cruelties ahead. The first time my child was demeaned because of his color, it was to me, his Black mother that he poured out his soul and not his White father. Children know intuitively who can be of help. Without a parent of color, each assault is new and shocking.

When I taught my child that officer friendly wasn’t necessarily friendly, it was with the passion of Black mother that has heard far too many laments of Black mothers, who have lost their children to police violence. When I inform him that his behaviour must be different than his White friends, it is with the knowledge that though they are both children, the world will see my gentle Black child much differently. When it comes to children of color, there are harsh lessons that must be taught and to believe that a White parent is prepared to do that is to deny the racist culture in which we live. Children need love and they need a sense of community to grow, though these things are quickly forgotten when a White person steps up to adopt. Whiteness may be the dominant culture, but it is not the only culture or community of value.

I think Renee makes some really, really excellent points. I do agree that when it comes to transracial parenting, whether by birth or adoption, white parents are often poorly equipped to address the cultural needs of children of color, or prepare them for a racialized society. But (yeah, I know… you saw this coming) I disagree that it’s the black parent by default or that it’s impossible for a white parent to handle. When my 10yo daughter was troubled by a classmate dropping the n-word in conversation, she did know, intuitively, who could be of help, and it was her white mother, not her black father.

It happened because I am parenting with purpose, and not depending on luck (or love) to get us through.

I think first and foremost, she came to me because I initiate dialogue about race and she knows that I am open to discussion, that I am going to stay calm and LISTEN to her, whereas her father tends to overreact to the most benign scrapes & bruises. Secondly, there’s the whole African vs. African American dynamic in our family. Like many African immigrants, Dad has picked up a lot of negative stereotypes about Black Americans; furthermore, he has no ties to the African American community. Between the two of us, I am more familiar, for lack of a better word, with Black American culture and history than he is. That’s not to say that as a white woman I know what it’s like to be black or that I have more experience with racism, but his experience in this country is as an African man in America, and my daughter’s is that of a biracial/Black American.

I have no experience with transracial adoption, but I ran into the challenge of raising a COC without a COC (community of color this time) when my then 3yo’s dad moved to the opposite coast and took the “color connection” with him. I worried how my son was going to develop a healthy sense of self during summer visitations. Over and over in multiracial parenting bulleting boards & support groups I ran into white mothers who dismissed the importance of actively providing their multiracial children with a healthy culture of color when the father wasn’t playing an active role. “Well, his (absent) father doesn’t consider himself african american, so I don’t worry about it.

So I tried not to, and I told myself love would be enough (love, and the massive stack of books featuring black children of various cultures). And it was pretty easy at first, because my son wasn’t much darker than I was. We didn’t get many comments from strangers. But I was about to give birth to my second child… and then the cat was out of the bag. After Halle was born, it suddenly became glaringly obvious that Tyler was biracial. People were suddenly very curious about where Tyler’s curly hair came from, and I began to worry that Tyler was going to slug some well meaning white lady in Target who loitered too long and gushed too many compliments.  Strangers aren’t supposed to talk to kids! or Strangers aren’t allowed to touch my sister! he would tell them.

Like you should need a four year old to tell you that.

As the years went on, and the zooing got worse, I began to contemplate “reverse white flight.” So I moved. And I thought, that was that. My children had love, a community of color that included teachers and peers, tons of black children’s books, and I’d thrown in brown baby dolls and a Ruby Bridges movie.

But all that wasn’t enough, because I still didn’t get it. I still had to let go of what I believed about race, and accept someone else’s reality.

via Womanist Musings.

What about the children?

Think About the Children

When Bardwell said interracial children “suffer” and are not accepted by blacks or whites, he was simply looking out for the couple’s best interest, Steve Benen sarcastically assures his readers at The Washington Monthly. “What a good point. The societal stigma on kids from mixed-race couples is so overwhelming, those kids would never have an opportunity to, say, grow up and someday seek the presidency of the United States.”

The Debate

• Of Course He’s Not Racist Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Atlantic
• Only Liberals Are Racist Adam Serwer, The Atlantic
• A Good Samaritan Andrew Belonsky, Gawker
• Think of the Children 44Steve Benen, The Washington Monthly
• Not Too Much of an Inconvenience Eugene Volokh, The Volokh Conspiracy

So unless you’ve been under a rock (or at least, if you haven’t read my blog this week, which is really the same thing, right?), you know that a Justice of the Peace refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple. A lot of people are expressing shock and awe… I’ve seen several comments to the effect, “this is 2009, not 1967.”

Ummm… peeps… I hate to point out the obvious, but Loving vs. Virginia didn’t make us any more post-racial than the 2008 elections. You may not have caught it, but in an article I posted last week, Gallup surveys were cited that indicate only 48 percent of Americans approved of marriage between blacks and whites in 1994, up 77 percent by 2007.

It’s 2009. 1994 was only 15 years ago. My oldest was born in 1996.

six days with daddy = eleven hours of damage control

So today could probably be considered a “co-parenting fail”

I went to the airport to pick up the girls and their dad. I saw my baby girl’s head and just LOST IT. Halle’s hair was cornrowed neatly, and Daija looked like Orphan Annie on a bad day. From what I can gather, by the time anybody bothered with her hair, it was so matted & tangled she cried when they tried to comb it… which means they tried to comb it dry.

Oh, I was so mad. I lit into What’s His Name with a vengeance… and pointed out that Daija had spent a week with my stepmom and a week with my sister over the summer & didn’t come home looking like this… AND THEY’RE WHITE PEOPLE… as in DAY-GLO ANGLO. People don’t come much whiter.

I washed, conditioned it twice, then left conditioner on in a cap for 2+ hours, then conditioned it again… and still had to cut a couple matts out of her hair. I’ve never had to do that with either of the girls before… I think I cried more than Daija did while I was combing this mess out.

 

 

 

Breaking the last racial taboo

Ben Smith Ben Smith – Thu Oct 15, 6:39 am ET

There’s nothing more traditional in American politics than the wholesome family portrait: a beaming candidate, beaming spouse, reluctantly beaming teenagers.

But when Bill de Blasio, a candidate for public office in New York City this fall, put his family in his campaign mailings and TV ads, there was nothing routine about it. De Blasio’s wife of 15 years, Chirlane McCray, is black, his children are of mixed race and, even in one of America’s most liberal cities, no one could remember anything like it.

De Blasio, 48, won the crucial Democratic primary in a runoff Sept. 29 and is in line to be the city’s next public advocate, a sort of high-profile ombudsman’s job that’s second in the line of succession to the mayor. The city councilman from liberal Park Slope, Brooklyn, had other things going for him — institutional support, newspaper endorsements — but in the view of his campaign, and of many of the city’s political observers, his interracial relationship was an almost unmitigated positive in a hotly contested election.

With Barack Obama having rewritten the history of race relations in this country, de Blasio may be demolishing one of its last taboos, “For so long in American history, interracial couples went out of their way to keep their relationships out of the public eye that it’s remarkable to see them used in a campaign like this,” said Peggy Pascoe, a historian of interracial marriage at the University of Oregon, who referred to the campaign as “a post-Obama phenomenon.”

That’s a perception McCray said she shared. Obama, she said, “opened a door” and “made it easier for us to go there.”

While de Blasio’s success in New York reflects the increased acceptance of mixed marriages, recent history suggests that the new tolerance may still be dependent on geography and race. A sharp counterpoint was the 2006 Tennessee Senate race which then-Rep. Harold Ford, an African-American, lost narrowly to Republican Bob Corker after the final days of the campaign were consumed by a Republican National Committee ad linking Ford to a scantily clad young blond woman. Ford’s allies charged it was a thinly veiled attempt to tap into old Southern fears about black men and white women.

And it seems to be a current that still remains just below the surface in Tennessee politics: Ford’s subsequent marriage to a white woman was widely viewed as a major barrier to another run.

While the Supreme Court legalized interracial marriage in 1967, attitudes were relatively slow to change in much of the country. When Dean Rusk, who was secretary of state at the time, learned that his daughter planned to marry a black man that same year, he offered his resignation, which President Lyndon B. Johnson declined. Former Massachusetts Sen. Ed Brooke, an African-American, was married to an Italian woman he’d met as a soldier in World War II, something he later said was sometimes used against him even in that liberal state. And Obama himself faced challenges to his racial authenticity as the child of a mixed marriage.

Gallup surveys indicate that only 48 percent of Americans approved of marriage between blacks and whites as recently as 1994, a number that had risen to 77 percent by 2007.

I am the Glue: Interracial couple denied marriage license in La.

Really?

Here’s the news story from the AP->

Interracial couple denied marriage license in LA

If I wasn’t upset about another ‘crazies being flushed out from the dark corners’ and I have completely run out of my silver bullets or Anti-Zombie sprinkles, I’d just think this was silly. No, I am not surprised it was a Louisiana Justice of the Peace. I lived down south for several years. I remember being told that the JP in Lamar County, Mississippi wouldn’t marry an interracial couple. I don’t think he had such nobel intentions.

For the sake of the children?

Bwahahahaha!

Trust me, my offspring are suffering a lot less than your children are.

Thanks for your concern though.

Why don’t we have a nationwide Interracial Family organization? We could have conventions, with t-shirts and key chains. We could do are first official protest in Louisiana.

Kat, we are all staying at your house. K?

 

 

via I am the Glue: Interracial couple denied marriage license in La..

the hair « a new page at curlykidz

I get a lot of traffic from search engines for braids with beads, braids and beads,  little girl twist braids with beads, how to put beads in hair, how to put beads on braids, little girl braids with beads. The funny thing, with as often as much time that hair consumes in our household and as often as I mention the girls’ hair in my blogs, there are no how to’s and few hair pictures. I always think to myself that people must be awfully disappointed after they find themselves here. I’ve been meaning to do something about that for a while, and all this conversation about hair politics has prompted me to finally add a new page… no good, no bad, it’s just all about the hair.

via the hair « curlykidz.

The Souls of Black Girls

About The Souls of Black Girls

The Souls of Black Girls is a provocative news documentary that takes a critical look at media images — how they are instituted, established and controlled. The documentary also examines the relationship between the historical and existing media images of women of color and raises the question of whether they may be suffering from a self-image disorder as a result of trying to attain the standards of beauty that are celebrated in media images.

The documentary features candid interviews with young women discussing their self-image and social commentary from Actresses Regina King and Jada Pinkett Smith, PBS Washington Week Moderator Gwen Ifill, Rapper/Political Activist Chuck D, and Cultural Critic Michaela Angela Davis, among others. The Souls of Black Girls is a piece that attempts to provoke honest dialogue and critical thinking among women of color about media images and our present condition—internally and externally.

via The Souls of Black Girls.