The sexualization of multiracial youth

 

As we move out of the early years, through the middle years, into the teen and young adult years, I wonder how the objectification I wrote about years ago will impact my children. As they move from hearing stereotypes like “Mixed kids/babies are SOOO cute!” (I’m sorry, but they’re not all cute) to “Mixed guys/girls are so HOT” (or exotic or striking), I wonder how to prepare them for the harsh reality of interracial dating, which will be much different for them than it was for me. I think it’s obvious in  “Post Racial America” how deeply stereotypes are imbedded in our subconscious; when you couple that with a pop culture that objectifies women in general, particularly women of color, and romanticizes abusive relationships (from cliques to intimate partner abuse to domestic violence), I find myself worrying more about teen dating violence than teen pregnancy.  

As our children grow older, and going beyond the social interactions of elementary school, what do relationships look like from junior high through adulthood, if our children don’t feel comfortable setting boundaries?

 Thinking specifically about my children’s African ancestry, I’m reminded of an article I read titled Trying to Break A ‘Culture of Silence’ on Rape: Group Part of Movement Tailoring Recovery Efforts to Minority Women where psychologist Carolyn West explains,  

There was that belief that black women were unrapable,” West said. “Legally, it wasn’t a crime to rape black women, literally for hundreds of years.  

Going back to Does Anybody Else Look Like Me?, author Donna Nakazawa writes,  

Biracial girls are often considered beautiful objects of curiosity because of their exotic looks, this attention does not necessarily translate into dating partners.  

Dont Want to Put on My Booty Shoes | Bitch Magazine

excellent commentary on the OH SO OFFENSIVE Reebok EasyTone advertising campaign…

Kate Harding at Broadsheet compares this nasty campaign to the way Nike sells women’s shoes.

Nike’s far from perfect, of course, but when they used boobs, they belonged to Serena Williams and appeared under her crossed, muscular arms and a high-necked T-shirt that read “Athlete,” with the caption, “Are you looking at my titles?” When they used close-ups on female body parts and copy about how others might perceive them, it was with text like, “My mother worries I will never marry with knees like these. But I know there’s someone out there who will say to me: I love you and I love your knees,” and “My butt is big and that’s just fine. And those who might scorn it are invited to kiss it.” If the new Reebok ads help the company knock Nike out of the top spot, then I’ll admit that they made good business sense (after I’m done sobbing), but as it is, the market leader is the one that uses images of strong women who care more about being athletic than being pretty. The market leader is the one that figured out how to sell a major female fantasy: being treated with at least a modicum of respect by advertisers.

check out the complete article at Dont Want to Put on My Booty Shoes | Bitch Magazine.

Not MY daughters, Reebok! « Golden Acorn Homeschool

I have been meaning to ask a dear friend to crosspost as a guest blogger for some time, and the only good thing about the Reebok ads is, they provided a golden opportunity I couldn’t pass up. So, uh… thanks Reebok. Sorta.

I have always preferred Nike running shoes and athletic gear, but I have owned a few things from Reebok in the past, such as swimsuits and a few outfits and pieces of clothing. Not anymore!

As of yesterday, Reebok will no longer be getting any of my family’s hard earned dollars. Here’s why:

and this:

and the worse one yet:

I am so disgusted, I can barely string a coherent sentence together. Why (someone PLEASE tell me why), a commercial for athletic shoes needs to be sexualized like that?

Why is it OK for Reebok to tell my daughters that the “real” reason for exercising is so a man can appreciate their assets?

Why is it OK for my son to absorb the message that he should ogle women and only value them for physical appearance?

I have no problem with a shoe that helps tone the butt and thighs. That’s a good thing, really, and with a smart marketing campaign I might have been interested in these shoes.

I am definitely not interested in contributing to the misogynistic view that women are nothing more than bodies to be objectified, and that the only reason to be fit is to be sexually appealing to a man. What about good health? What about strength? What about endurance, self-esteem, and pride?

So, Reebok, you have decidedly FAILED in my estimation. I am sure there are many men who appreciate these “commercials” you have created. I’d be willing to bet there are plenty of women who see “nothing wrong” with wanting to look sexy so men will notice them.

I want to look attractive for my husband, too, but for more than my body! I hope he is attracted to my intelligence, my humor, my personality…as well as my physical appearance.

The real problem with these ads is that they feed into an already warped sense of value in America. Media images such as these lodge themselves in the minds of young children (and adults), and continue to perpetuate the dysfunctional idea of women as mere sexual objects. Girls begin to believe the message and their self-esteem becomes wrapped up in how sexually appealing they can be. Boys continue to embrace the message because it lets them off the hook in regard to their behavior and having to respect women as equals.

These might seem like “just commercials” to many viewers. But what does it say to us, as a society, if it can be so blatant, and yet we sit around asking, “What’s the big deal?”

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” Matthew 6:22-23

Many thanks to Cyndi for alerting me to these “ads.”

via Not MY daughters, Reebok! « Golden Acorn Homeschool.

as if you hadn’t had enough… ONE MORE offensive Reebok commercial…

ohmyfuckinggod…

Jesus Christ… it gets worse. WTF, Reebok?

I thought the commercial I saw the other night was bad enough… but this one is even worse. Get your barf bags, peeps… it’s another totally offensive Reebok Easytone commercial.

I’m not one who normally cares about a particular brand… but I can tell you that I will NEVER spend a dime on a pair of Reebok’s.

And I have three kids who play in club sports. That adds up.

Reebok, I don’t normally get this crude on my blog but…

PULLYOURFUCKINGHEADOUTOFYOURCOLLECTIVEASS.

Are you f-ing kidding? Reebok EasyTone commercial

Beware Young Girl.

This broke my heart…  how many Sara’s will we lose to the sexualization and objectification of women?

In response to the constant objectification of women, the recent gang rape of a 15 year old girl in Richmond, CA, the unjust incarceration of Sara Kruzan and even the highly publicized violence faced by Rihanna, conscientious rapper and activist Jasiri X has put out a track that discusses the injustice and inhumanity of these crimes.

you can find the lyrics at Beware Young Girl. – Feministing.

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth

So something JUST occurred to me. Initially, I’d thought Prince Naveen being European (actually, Mediterranean… I googled him & he’s from “the land of Macedonia” which I assume to be the one in Greece?) could be a positive thing… reinforcing to little girls that black women are beautiful, period… not just beautiful to black men. But just now, as I was writing about something else, I made a connection I wish I hadn’t.

Could someone PLEASE teach the peeps at Disney (and Mattel) to use Google? PLEASE?!?!?!

The objectification of multiracial youth

my kids are people not pets

 

 One of the things that disturbs me about the infamous “What are they?” questions from complete strangers, or the “Oh, just look at hair hair!” exclamations, where people are not complimenting “her” so much as they are talking about her like she’s not there or can’t hear them, is not that I think the people who initiate this kind of dialogue are ill intentioned… it’s the objectification and the sense of “otherness” that comes with it. Even though the oohing and aahing is intended to be a compliment, and maybe for the parents it is… it’s an affirmation that we are accepted… a soothing balm for those of us in multiracial relationships who have experience rejection in some fashion… perhaps just from thoughtless comments made by strangers, and in some cases, rejection by friends or family members.  I know people who have been the recipients of outright hostile stares to people who have been disowned from their families.    

We anxiously anticipate the day our children will be subject to racism and prejudice, and at first this fawning and zooing seems like a sign that all is right with the world, that times have changed for the better, and the world will love our children as much as we do. Speaking from my racial perspective, which of course won’t apply to every white mother of biracial children… I experienced a loss of some of that white privilege when I started dating interracially.  It was immediate and pronounced… so I can see how it might be tempting, after experiencing that loss and rejection, to want to bask in that acceptance.   

But from the perspectives of our children, what is it like for them to be asked or to overhear their parents being asked (with whatever frequency) to justify their existence? 

What ARE they? (Follow Up)

So Christie asked if I’d come up with any good responses to the infamous “What are they?” question, or ways to handle the zooing/petting. No pressures, she says.

When the kids (and I) were younger, I rarely hesitated to respond with a snappy comeback or snide response. Where’d my 2yo get his curly hair? I permed it. Is she yours? No, I just thought she was cute so I snatched her from a cart outside.

But as the kids are growing up, so am I. As tempting as it is to fight fire with fire (a dumb (or rude) question deserves a dumb (or rude) answer)… something about it just doesn’t quite sit right with me.

First of all, there may come a time, particularly for my son, when a smart answer *I* encouraged might come out of his mouth at an inappropriate time. And it may jeopardize his physical well-being. I can’t afford to bank on the fact that I live in a changing society… there are some situations where what my child says, and the manner in which he says it, may have a profound impact on the outcome of that situation.

What ARE they?

I wish I’d read Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? A Parent’s Guide to Raising Multiracial Children three years ago when it was published; or better yet, that it had been published sometime between 1996 & 1999 and I’d read it then. The book contains a lot of good information about how children process racial concepts through the various developmental stages, and describes the stages a multiracial youth goes through to develop a healthy and fluid racial identity. It’s provoked a lot of thought for me, but what doesn’t these days?

“Over time, our daugther has developed a kind of public shell she retreats into when others approach. She refuses eye contact, sucks her thumb and puts her head against my side, her arm grasping mine. How much of this sudden shyness, when we are out and about, is due to innate personality, and how much of it relates to having to squirm under each stranger’s magnifying glass, we’ll never know.”

You may recognize Halle in this passage… or recall me having complained about how being ‘petted’ by strangers was affecting her. This ‘zooing’ is something I’ve always felt was somehow invasive and inappropriate, although all I could really chalk it up to was that it’s an invasion of privacy. Donna Nakazawa put my feelings into words perfectly,

“Perhaps when people encounter a biracial child they often are compelled to look, and look again, in order to figure them (and their family situation out), yet at the same time they feel awkward staring without saying a word. In order to mask their discomfort, they may overreact, touching our child’s hair or commenting repeatedly on how beautiful our child is.

 

Even though our child is getting the verbal message that he or she is beautiful, by being repeatedly singled out, she is also getting the nonverbal message that she is different. And whenever children receive mixed messages, it tends to cause them inner anxiety. This combination of being treated more like an object than a person and receiving mixed messages, explains psychologist Willie B. Garrett, “is so damaging to the child because over time they’re going to internalize these unpleasant feelings, which take the form of the child thinking of themselves as unattractive.” They ‘get it’ that their appearance falls outside the norm.

This section goes on to say,

“Half-Breeds”

Last night while at my sisters band concert someone came up to me during the intermission and complimented me on how pretty my kids are, and I thanked her…then she asked me, right in front of Tyler who has a mind like a steel trap and never forgets a damn thing, “are they half-breeds”… I sat there in stunned silence, thinking

 

Oh, no she didn’t…

I couldn’t even think what to say – until she repeated her question a little louder (just in case everyone hadn’t been offended the first time, I guess)… once I got my jaw off the floor I told her that they aren’t half anything… they are children -whole, complete, beautiful children. She didn’t get a chance to say anything. If Tyler hadn’t been with me I would have let her have it, but he picks up so much that I didn’t want to call any more attention to what she said – for a change he missed her comment and just caught mine… after I made my comment he looked at her and smiled and said “yes, I’m a beautiful children”… and that’s when I walked away. I didn’t want my baby to see his mommie put somebody thru a wall, and my sister probably didn’t want to be known as the sister of the lunatic who started a fistfight at the Christmas concert… Anyway, I’m starting to calm down about it. It just really took me off guard because the lady was not white – I guess I’ve anticipated that kind of stupidity from my race… or even if an older person of any race had said it I would have just chalked it up to the era she grew up in (for example, my grandpa loves my kids, but to this day refers to black people as “colored”… like his skin is see-thru or something… last time I checked we ALL had color…). ANYWAY, back to the topic, this lady was fairly young, and I don’t know if I mentioned this, but she looked like she may have had mixed ancestry herself… I really think she may have been mentally disabled. Even so, I have never wanted to clock someone so badly in my life as I did in the moment after I heard the word half breed come out of her mouth… I’m not sure I handled that in the best way, but that was the most graceful approach I could think of at the time. I don’t have a huge problem with people asking me if my kids are biracial, but the term “half-breed” indicates something less than complete, or unnacceptable and that word seriously offends me and for me is in the same category as the n-word… now that it’s happened I’m wondering if I overreacted, but then I think that since so few people do act, it’s almost necessary for me to overreact to stupid comments like that just to make up for all the people who let it slide… This is the first time that a stranger has made an insensitive comment to me (I guess it’s never happened before because Tyler is so fair)…

I had another first last night, too… another lady came up to me and asked me if Halle was my baby – I thought that was a pretty dumb question and laughed and said “no, she was so cute I snatched her froms omeone outside”… It hit me after I got home that she might have been assuming that Halle wasn’t mine, that I was a babysitter or something, because of the difference in our skin color.