Finding Our Humanity: Calling on my fellow Euro-Americans

Last Sunday I was stopped by a member of my congregation… someone from what I call my church family. She mentioned THIS is why I cannot, will not, comply, written after I explained to my son that I would probably (or not) be arrested on the National Day of Non-Compliance. 

Arizona in Crayola: Multicultural, I guess. Non-Toxic, debatable.

 When I asked my son what might lead an officer to suspect someone was not in the country legally and he answered, with only a little doubt in his voice…

“Their race.”

To which I countered,

“What race are Americans?”

He responded, 

“White.”

With no hesitation. None whatsoever.

[snipped]

My son is only 14 years old, and already he’s picked up the subconscious message about who is American and who is not. My son is only 14 years old, it already it is imbedded somewhere in his subconscious that Americans are white.

 Read More

 
After confiding that she’d been thinking about that blog entry ever since, she started to talk about all the different classifications of Americans… Mexican, African, Native, Chinese etc.

I have to confess that I got a little nervous. Because the only thing harder than talking about race with people who are not white, in my experience, is talking about race with people who are. And I felt my shield go up, because I’ve heard one or two profoundly stupid things said in my church home, and I wasn’t sure what was coming. I was afraid it would be some argument about how all those prefixes should be dropped, and my mind was racing because I hadn’t been mentally prepared for a “that thing you said” conversation. But then she asked, “But what am I? Am I Caucasian or European American?” And I responded cautiously, still not sure where we were headed, “Well, there would be Italian, German, and Irish American…”

And then she asked the million dollar question. What can she do, in her day-to-day interactions, to challenge the assumption that Americans are of European descent by default, and everything else is “other.”

I wish I’d had a better answer. I’m a unusal case (in more ways than one, I know…) in that outside of work and church on Sunday, very few people who I see on a daily or weekly basis are white. I shared with her that I make it a point (with people who tend to use race or ethnicity to describe others when it is not relevant to the conversation), to mention EVERYONE’S race (aka, my “this white lady at walgreens” story), I don’t have those kinds of conversations often.

Tonight I was at a volunteer meeting for the Community Posada and someone (not white) mentioned Euro-Americans in a conversation, which was the motivation I needed to write this post and not table it until after I get all the other drafts in my head published. Most of the discussion on what I write happens in the link comments on my Facebook wall, but for the sake of centralizing feedback and hopefully providing some ideas and resources for others, I’d like to ask people to comment here and not on FB. You don’t need to sign up for an account to comment.

I want to hear from my Anglo/Euro/Caucasian American readers. Do you consciously use language to counteract the assumption that Americans are white by default? What does that sound like? How and when do you use it? What kind of reactions do you get? If you don’t, what kind of ideas do you have?

Thanks to all of you in advance, and a very special thanks to my sister. You renewed my faith last Sunday, as well as my commitment to continue witnessing, LOUDLY, about the costs of racism to white people. As proud as we may be to fight for justice, we need to acknowledge that we are also fighting for our own humanity.

A PS… This was written as a call for reflection & discussion to white/euro/anglo/gring@ people because I feel strongly we need to take more responsibility in creating equality and justice for all. People of privilege shouldn’t be looking to the people who are being oppressed to show us the light when we’re holding the matches and candles. That said, if you don’t fall into the targeted demographic and you have a suggestion about how we can do better or want to point out something we may do with the best of intentions that we really shouldn’t, jump right in.

Related Articles

• Own Your Beauty: On Being Multi-Racial in the Racist, Rural South (blogher.com)
• Why Racial Profiling Persists in Medical Research (time.com)
• All Are Alike Unto God: A Reaction to Margaret Blair Young and Darius Aidan Gray’s _Standing On the Promises_ Series (motleyvision.org)



Gratitude Sunday

Well, my good intentions of counting my blessings every Sunday flew out the window as our weeks suddenly got a lot busier… the reasons for which I can only give thanks.

• Ingathering – Unitarian Universalist congregations often don’t have traditional services during the summer, so the first Sunday after Labor Day is like a little family reunion. The following Sunday is when our RE (Religious Education) programming kicks off. You may remember how excited I was two years ago for Tyler to go through Coming of Age (COA) program. About halfway through the year it was obvious that his heart wasn’t really in it… he just wasn’t ready and his heart wasn’t really in it. I gave him the option to either finish the program then or do it this year (COA and OWL (Our Whole Lives) are offered alternating years). He elected to do it this year, and will go through COA with the same kids he went through OWL with. In addition to a great relationship with these peers, he has a great mentor that he also established a great bond with last year, and says is the coolest grown up he knows after me & his dad.

It’s official: white people done lost they minds

We don’t need no stinkin’ facts. Frankly, I’m more scared of white people than Al Qaeda sometimes. The Jihadists are crazy, but some of my people are giving them a run for their money.

Rep.Gohmert, with all due respect, YOU are a terrorist. YOU are terrorizing the American public with wild speculation about some theory that might potentially happen in some wild realm of your imagination. What you did on the house floor is no better than yelling “fire” in a crowded theater. There’s a difference between credible evidence and wild speculation, and you should be able to decipher where that line is.

I have pretty much gotten used to the average Joe on the street insulting another’s patriotism in a disagreement like this, but I really expect better from an elected official, and a former judge.

 

What’s wrong with the idea of mothers sneaking into the country, giving birth, and sneaking back elsewhere to lovingly rear their children into U.S.-hating mini-Osamas? Besides the fact that there’s no evidence of such a phenomenon?

via PostPartisan – Terror babies? Really?.

Scaring white people for fun and profit

Do you notice anything about those four stories — Van Jones, ACORN, the New Black Panther Party, and now Shirley Sherrod? This isn’t about racism. This isn’t a story about picking on black people. This is a story about political outcomes, about the tried and true political strategy not of targeting black people but of targeting white people, about making white people feel afraid of African Americans as if they are not fellow Americans but rather a threat to what white people have.

 

The Rachel Maddow Show – Scaring white people for fun and profit.

a tale of two (or more) cities (updated)

So it’s probably not a surprise to any of my readers (if there are any left out there, that is) that I am not a fan of SB1070. I could go on about that, but right now I am going to attempt to focus my attention (this is a struggle for me) on a thought that occurred to me earlier, while I was reading Program gives Chicago Public Schools teachers a lesson in history, culture. It sounds like a pretty cool program, and I figure that the chances of our schools implementing a program like this are slim. If I sound cynical, well… between SB1070 and our more recent Ethnic Studies Law, well… nuff said.

So as it is prone to do, my mind started wandering & I started a comparison & contrast of Phoenix & Chicago, a city I recently visited & fell in love with. Now, it’s not easy to follow my train of thought on a lot of things… sometimes I can’t even do it. But humor me today… just sit down, shut up, and hang on.

Opinion: Race and Anti-Government Rage – AOL News

It wasn’t always this way. Whites once supported government spending, especially when we thought people like us would be the beneficiaries. Those who protest government health care didn’t object, for instance, when government-backed FHA loans helped 15 million white families afford housing from the 1940s to the 1960s, while blacks were essentially excluded. Indeed, by the early ’60s, nearly half of all mortgages received by white families were being written under this blatantly preferential government initiative. And whites didn’t mind when the government passed the Homestead Act in 1862, resulting in the distribution of over 240 million acres of essentially free land to white families.

via Opinion: Race and Anti-Government Rage – AOL News.

The Next Family » Banking While Black

Scenario: My sitter is black. Priscilla has been babysitting for me since Tyler was 2 mos old. So as not to deal with the hassle of receipts, I pay her by check with the note “childcare” and the dates covered in the memo section. Every month for 3.5 years I’ve written her a check drawn on Wells Fargo Bank. Almost every month for the last two years she has been cashing these checks at the same branch…

The Next Family » Banking While Black originally posted in 2000 at Banking while Black « curlykidz.

The Next Family » Half-Breeds

Last night while at my sister’s band concert someone came up to me during the intermission and complimented me on how pretty my kids are, and I thanked her.  Then she asked, right in front of Tyler, who has a mind like a steel trap and never forgets a damn thing, “are they half-breeds?” I sat there in stunned silence, thinking…

Oh, no she didn’t…

The Next Family » Half-Breeds.

“Half-Breeds” « curlykidz.

She loves me, she loves me not: Black, White, or Illegal Alien?

I touched on issues surrounding the term illegal alien* a couple weeks ago in Walking the (color)Line, when I mentioned a couple ways I suspected this term has affected my children’s perceptions of the Latino community. There was a part of me that wondered whether I was reading too much into things… but let’s just say that’s no longer a concern. Within the last week or two, I read a blog or article about multiracial girls being asked what color their husbands would be. I wondered if Halle had ever heard or been asked something like this. I made a little note to self to bring it up, but Thursday night in the car, she raised the subject. She was talking about how she was going to date a boy for one year when she grew up, and asked if that was too long. I told her it depended on the boy; with some boys, a year might be too long, with another, a year may not be long enough. She suddenly started talking about whether this boy might be white or black and something about so and so… I interrupted and asked if people asked her that, and she confirmed. Then I asked, “Do you guys talk about that?” and she responds matter of factly, “Oh, yeah.” I asked if that was something that had just come up this year, and she said no, it was last year too. I asked how it came up, and she said, just when they talk about who they think is cute. She continued with her story…   

“Anyway, so and so asked me once, and I said he would probably be Black or White, but not Mexican, but then I met Tristan, and I like him and I think he’s cute, and he’s Mexican…”   

Her voice trailed off.   

I asked why she hadn’t thought she would date someone who was Mexican before Tristan.   

“Well, cuz they do a lot of bad things. I mean, they’re always on the news cuz they’re criminals… and stuff.”   

cue my breaking (anti-racist) heart.   

Needless to say, we had an immediate conversation about perception, stereotypes, racism, media bias, and Bull Connor Jr. Nickel Bag Joe Sherrif Arpaio. And we will continue to have these conversations (and others, like how there are a lot more people in the world than just Black, White or Hispanic), because this IS a big problem. And it’s not because this flies in the face of what I believe personally, but because the seed of racism is finding roothold in the heart of THIS child.   

Her love is like the ocean...

 

This is my UU, social justice, civil action child. This is the child who drew the line with her peers over the n-word. This is the child who has volunteered to mentor special needs kids or served in student government or both for three of the four years she’s been attending her current school. This is the child whose teacher has made it a point to contact me no less than three times so far this school year to express his gratitude to and  praise the way Halle had befriended a new ESL student, which makes me wonder that my daughter’s unreserved offer of friendship is already rare by the age of 10. This is the child who took the initiative, unsolicited, and went to a Spanish-speaking teacher to get a “cheat sheet” of basic conversational phrases, and carried two spanish english dictionaries with her every day for the first two months of school.   

“Now think carefully about what I’m saying, and why it matters. Here was a woman who no longer could recognize her own children; a woman who had no idea who her husband had been; no clue where she was, what her name was, what year it was; and yet, knew what she had been taught at a very early age to call black people. Once she was no longer capable of resisting this demon, tucked away like a ticking time bomb in the far corners of her mind, it would reassert itself and explode with a vengeance. She could not remember how to feed herself. She could not go to the bathroom by herself. She could not recognize a glass of water for what it was. But she could recognize a nigger. America had seen to that, and no disease would strip her of that memory. Indeed, it would be one of the last words I would hear her say, before finally she stopped talking at all. “ ~Tim Wise, White Like Me   

This is the depth of our racist conditioning.   

*If you’re unaware of the controversy over the term Illegal Alien or just don’t get why people are “making such a big deal about it” or that it’s not just about being politically correct, I found an article that sums up what is so very wrong about this expression very well: Why use of the term “illegal alien” is inaccurate, offensive, and should be eliminated from our public discourse. | Border Crossing Law Blog.

 

 

 

 

             

 

  

When one refers to an immigrant as an “illegal alien,” they are using the term as a noun. They are effectively saying that the individual, as opposed to any actions that the individual has taken, is illegal. The term “illegal alien” implies that a person’s existence is criminal. I’m not aware of any other circumstance in our common vernacular where a crime is considered to render the individual – as opposed to the individual’s actions – as being illegal. We don’t even refer to our most dangerous and vile criminals as being “illegal.”

  

I am the Glue: Racial Profiling

The news story I am printing below was in the Denver Post today. The young man is a good friend of my kids. He is also biracial- half black and half white. I was shocked when I read the story, but was sickened as I read the comments. His race was on trial. I know this young man and if these commentors knew who they were talking about, it might change some of what they said…

Racial profiling at Denver Safeway store alleged

By Felisa Cardona
The Denver Post

An African-American teen accused of stealing who was detained and searched by employees at Safeway was a victim of racial profiling, according to an investigation by Denver’s Anti-Discrimination Office.

The agency’s Nov. 5 finding of discrimination says “there is reasonable cause to believe that this is not an isolated incident but rather a pattern or practice of engaging in such racial profiling.”

Brandon Anderson-Thayer, now 18, filed a complaint against Safeway alleging discrimination, and the agency’s finding allows him to proceed with a civil lawsuit, said his attorney, Mari Newman.

“We’ve given Safeway every opportunity to try and figure out whether there is a way to resolve this case and to try to be a good community member, and they have just resisted all the way,” she said.

Safeway contends there is no evidence to support the allegations.

“Our company has a long-standing reputation for fair and unbiased dealings with customers, employees and the communities that we serve,” said Safeway spokeswoman Kris Staaf. “The DADO’s probable-cause determination in this case resulted from an inadvertent failure of the company to respond to a DADO administrative request and is not a finding on the merits.

“Safeway is committed to continuing to defend against the claims made here, as well as continuing our efforts to resolve this matter with the DADO.”

On Oct. 14, 2008, Anderson-Thayer, then 17, went to the Safeway at 1653 S. Colorado Blvd. to buy some snacks after school.

He was with two friends, Hassan Robinson, who is also black, and Joe Vilante, who is Pacific Islander.

Anderson-Thayer was handcuffed by security as he bought some hot chocolate from schoolmate Jessica Molendyk, who was working at a breast-cancer awareness stand to raise money.

“The manager’s only stated reasons for accusing Mr. Anderson-Thayer and his friends of theft were the fact that Mr. Anderson-Thayer and his friends apparently ‘looked suspicious’ and that the manager had problems with ‘kids like them’ in the past,” said a report by Lucía Guzmán, executive director of Human Rights and Community Relations, which oversees DADO.

Molendyk told DADO that Safeway head clerk Brandon Nance directed security guards to follow black teens in the store for no apparent reason and that she often observed Nance making racist jokes.

The teens were not carrying any backpacks that would help them conceal items and they paid for the snacks they had, the report said. For a half-hour, the teens were held in an upstairs office and searched and interrogated, the report said.

“By targeting Mr. Anderson-Thayer and his friends for discriminatory surveillance, search and seizure, Safeway denied the teenagers ‘full and equal enjoyment of the goods, services facilities, privileges, advantages and accommodations’ of Safeway,” wrote Guzmán.

DADO does not issue fines or sanctions against a business when there is a finding of discrimination.

The goal of the agency is to bring the parties together to come to a settlement or a resolution. If it can’t be worked out, legal action may be pursued by the person who filed the complaint, Guzmán said.

The finding said that Anderson-Thayer’s testimony is “credible” and that the affidavits filed by his two friends and Molendyk corroborate his statements.

Representatives from Safeway met twice with DADO and Anderson-Thayer for mediation but no significant progress was made, the report said.

When Safeway’s attorney was contacted for a third meeting, the company did not respond.

However, Safeway is still trying to resolve the case and is expected to continue to provide information to the agency even though deadlines were missed.

Guzmán said the discrimination finding does not mean a solution can’t be worked out.

“Our major work is the hope that resolution occurs,” she said, “and we will always stand ready to help facilitate positive resolutions.”

COMMENTS ON THE NEWSPAPERS WEBSITE-

There has to be more to this story, it just doesn’t jive as written. And look at the picture of the kid…he looks white!

 

The fact that they didn’t catch him means they are bad at their jobs. You can’t detain people and put people in handcuffs when they haven’t stolen anything. This kid is playing victim and looking for a quick payday and the Post looks like they are going to help him.

 

Good for Safeway. This defense for breaking the law is perposterous. I’m going to start shopping at Safeway as long as they keep racially profiling

 

This has nothing to do with the kid’s rights or profiling. It’s all about money. If Safeway had given the kid a nice settlement to go away, we’d be hearing nothing about racial profiling “blah, blah, blah…” and he’d be over at the Best Buy picking out a new iPod and Stereo Speakers for his car like any teen would.

 

It’s the old “Jessie Jackson (Operation Push) shake down” Works every time.

 

im saying is that if the guy in that photo claims he was racially profiled because he is black…well then he has no case because he isnt black.

 

that kid is white as white gets! Let me guess, he probably listens to rap and has saggy pants, so he calls himself black…uh…sorry, African American. If he is from South Africa I’ll give him this one!

 

i`m looking into my crystal ball…i see it ..still fuzzy.. i see an..escalade in someones future!

And Brandon’s mother must have read this all and responded-

I am Brandon’s mom. He did not steal (nor has he ever stolen) and the actual stated reason, according to witnesses, why they were followed was because the security (a private firm, not DPD) had been instructed to follow all African-Americans. They were followed from the time they entered the store. He was handcuffed (in front of a friend no less-humiliating) and held for at least a half hour. He was a minor and I was never notified. If that happened to your child, would you just let it go? The stress sent him into an epileptic seizure when he got home (a pre-existing condition). Brandon and his friends have shopped there since all of their lives; it is our “neighborhood” store.

How should they have behaved? They were dressed like most men under 30, they had no backpacks and they paid for everything…. and they were still in the store, buying hot chocolate from a Breast Cancer Awareness fundraiser, hardly a action buy someone trying to hide something.

To clarify a few points, he chooses how he wants to be identified, as an African-American. We took this to the city because we want the store to change their policy and become more sensitive in how they treat the community. We took it public because the community needs to understand that, even though it is 2009, these things still happen on a regular basis. Most of what we were asking for was that they make amends and form relationships with the African-American community and the school that the kids attend (which is predominately minority and where the kids often come to shop). No Escalade for this family.

Unless you are a minority in this city, you are probably not aware of how young minority males are profiled on a regular basis. I see this happening in the community all of time. This was not the first time for Brandon or his friends to be profiled for “walking while black” and for these young people, it forces them into a position of always having to be on the defense. We are here to say, ” ENOUGH”!

via I am the Glue: Racial Profiling.

“My People Are…” promotes positive racial & ethnic identity in ALL children

Amy Hodgepodge

Check it out.

Nancy : “This story truly touched me.  The authors made me love Amy, love her family and feel everything she felt.  It teaches friendship, kindness and gives us all insight into how to be good people.”

Aileen: “As a teacher, I am so grateful to the authors for providing my students with such dynamic material.  My students immediately identified with the characters.  Finally, a series that addresses real concerns with humor and love.”                                                                     

Joyce: “I just ordered all four of your books for my grandkids and grandnieces and nephews.  Thanks for this delightful, wholesome series!”

Maria: “Finally! A book for children who are a hodgepodge of so many different things.  Thank you for doing this book.  I have no doubt it will have great success and I hope to see it evolve into a whole series of cartoons, merchandise, etc.!                                  

Michelle & Melydia: “Thank you, thank you, thank you! My daughter (6) and I just finished reading some of “All Mixed Up!   Our family consists of black and white, with marriages bringing in Portugese and Cuban, and adoptions bringing in Indian.  She related so much to this book.  Here  is what she said: “I like your book and can’t wait to finish it.  I like it because she looks like me.”

Jil: “I love AMY HODGEPODGE.  As a grown Mixed woman it is so exciting to get to know this girl.  I fell in love with her, her family and her friends.  So sweet, engaging, well-written and great illustrations.”              

Angela: “I just wanted to thank you SO much for your ground-breaking work in providing images for the multiracial generation!  I am the founder of Melting Pot Moms, a national organization for multiracial/multicultural/multiethnic families (through birth and adoption).  Your books reflect our children exactly!”

Sheryl: “I love these books!  Amy is such a sweet character.  My six-year old adores her, and my eight-year old next door neighbor does too.                                                                   

LC: “I can’t say enough how much I love this series.  Finally multiracial girls have a heroine in Amy Hodgepodge.  Amy is a great role model for all kids.  A great discovery!”

Kyle: “My daughter loves these books.  It’s definitely timely in that more and more families have mixed-race kids.  But the books are truly for everyone.”

Stephanie: “My six-year old daughter found this book and loves it.  She has announced that she wants to collect all the Amy Hodgepodge books and will be adding them to her bookshelf right next to her Junie B. Jones and Magic Tree House collections.”

Mary: “My granddaughter, who is seven, absolutely loves the Amy Hodgepodge books.  Amy and her friends are good kids who have lots of fun together and come up with good solutions to kids everyday problems and adventures.”                                                      

Ruby: “I love Amy Hodgepodge with a passion.”           

Shenita: “My girls love your book.  We read the first chapter last night , and they didn’t want me to put it down.”

Lisa: “My fourth-grade class is sooo enjoying listening to me read your delightful books to them.   They really relate to and love the character, Rusty, too.”

Kenya: “I read your book and couldn’t put it down.  I know it’s a children’s book, but I loved it.  This is an excellent book for biracial kids trying to find their place in the world.  It’s also a great book for all children to encourage them to be true to themselves and celebrate their differences and similarities.  I’m buying these  books for all my friends with kids!”

Reggie: “Almost all my nieces and nephews are multiracial.  They love your books and really related to them!”

Barbara: “Your books are such a great idea.   I am of mixed-race.  My mom is African-American and my dad is Latin-American.  I’m pregnant, so I’ll be stocking up on these books for my baby!”

Michelle: “Congratulations on your wonderful book series.  There’s a real need in this world for these books you’ve created.”

Daphne: “I just bought all the Amy Hodgepodge books off the shelf at Storyopolis bookstore.  You’d better have them reorder!”

Kim Wayans has numerous television and film credits and now brings her skill and charm to the stage with her own one-woman show. Part of a unique family of comedians, Kim Wayans has enjoyed working with her brothers, film and television stars Keenen, Damon, Marlon and Shawn. She starred with all of them on the groundbreaking television comedy sketch show IN LIVING COLOR and has worked with them in various combinations in such motion pictures as SCARY MOVIE 2, I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA, DON’T BE A MENACE TO SOUTH CENTRAL WHILE DRINKING YOUR JUICE IN THE HOOD AND LOW DOWN DIRTY SHAME. Kim starred in JUWANNA MANN with Miguel A. Nunez, Jr. And Viveca A. Fox. Kim’s first break in entertainment came when she was booked to do stand-up comedy at the The Laugh Factory and The Improv clubs in Hollywood. Since then, Wayans has made several guest television appearances, and has starred as a regular on Quincy Jones’ IN THE HOUSE opposite Debbie Allen and LL Cool J. She excelled as a producer, director and writer on the ABC comedy MY WIFE AND KIDS. Kim’s writing has expanded to plays and full length screen plays.  She is presently touring the country with her hit one-woman show, A HANDSOME WOMAN RETREATS.  Her latest project is a series of children’s books she wrote with her husband, entitled “AMY HODGEPODGE.”  This ground-breaking series gives a face and voice to multi-racial children, and is published by Penguin.

AmyHodgepodge.com.

White Parents, Black Babies

 I was reading a post at Womanist Musings about transracial adoption last week. I left a brief comment, but decided to post my somewhat lengthy thoughts here because a) my thoughts are more related to multiracial families rather than transracial adoption and b) I think she makes several excellent points that are relevant for biological parents of multiracial children.

I know what it is to love a child. I know what it is to hold their little hand and see the world through their eyes but children of color require more. This is not about special treatment, as much as it is arming them and protecting them from the certain cruelties ahead. The first time my child was demeaned because of his color, it was to me, his Black mother that he poured out his soul and not his White father. Children know intuitively who can be of help. Without a parent of color, each assault is new and shocking.

When I taught my child that officer friendly wasn’t necessarily friendly, it was with the passion of Black mother that has heard far too many laments of Black mothers, who have lost their children to police violence. When I inform him that his behaviour must be different than his White friends, it is with the knowledge that though they are both children, the world will see my gentle Black child much differently. When it comes to children of color, there are harsh lessons that must be taught and to believe that a White parent is prepared to do that is to deny the racist culture in which we live. Children need love and they need a sense of community to grow, though these things are quickly forgotten when a White person steps up to adopt. Whiteness may be the dominant culture, but it is not the only culture or community of value.

I think Renee makes some really, really excellent points. I do agree that when it comes to transracial parenting, whether by birth or adoption, white parents are often poorly equipped to address the cultural needs of children of color, or prepare them for a racialized society. But (yeah, I know… you saw this coming) I disagree that it’s the black parent by default or that it’s impossible for a white parent to handle. When my 10yo daughter was troubled by a classmate dropping the n-word in conversation, she did know, intuitively, who could be of help, and it was her white mother, not her black father.

It happened because I am parenting with purpose, and not depending on luck (or love) to get us through.

I think first and foremost, she came to me because I initiate dialogue about race and she knows that I am open to discussion, that I am going to stay calm and LISTEN to her, whereas her father tends to overreact to the most benign scrapes & bruises. Secondly, there’s the whole African vs. African American dynamic in our family. Like many African immigrants, Dad has picked up a lot of negative stereotypes about Black Americans; furthermore, he has no ties to the African American community. Between the two of us, I am more familiar, for lack of a better word, with Black American culture and history than he is. That’s not to say that as a white woman I know what it’s like to be black or that I have more experience with racism, but his experience in this country is as an African man in America, and my daughter’s is that of a biracial/Black American.

I have no experience with transracial adoption, but I ran into the challenge of raising a COC without a COC (community of color this time) when my then 3yo’s dad moved to the opposite coast and took the “color connection” with him. I worried how my son was going to develop a healthy sense of self during summer visitations. Over and over in multiracial parenting bulleting boards & support groups I ran into white mothers who dismissed the importance of actively providing their multiracial children with a healthy culture of color when the father wasn’t playing an active role. “Well, his (absent) father doesn’t consider himself african american, so I don’t worry about it.

So I tried not to, and I told myself love would be enough (love, and the massive stack of books featuring black children of various cultures). And it was pretty easy at first, because my son wasn’t much darker than I was. We didn’t get many comments from strangers. But I was about to give birth to my second child… and then the cat was out of the bag. After Halle was born, it suddenly became glaringly obvious that Tyler was biracial. People were suddenly very curious about where Tyler’s curly hair came from, and I began to worry that Tyler was going to slug some well meaning white lady in Target who loitered too long and gushed too many compliments.  Strangers aren’t supposed to talk to kids! or Strangers aren’t allowed to touch my sister! he would tell them.

Like you should need a four year old to tell you that.

As the years went on, and the zooing got worse, I began to contemplate “reverse white flight.” So I moved. And I thought, that was that. My children had love, a community of color that included teachers and peers, tons of black children’s books, and I’d thrown in brown baby dolls and a Ruby Bridges movie.

But all that wasn’t enough, because I still didn’t get it. I still had to let go of what I believed about race, and accept someone else’s reality.

via Womanist Musings.

What about the children?

Think About the Children

When Bardwell said interracial children “suffer” and are not accepted by blacks or whites, he was simply looking out for the couple’s best interest, Steve Benen sarcastically assures his readers at The Washington Monthly. “What a good point. The societal stigma on kids from mixed-race couples is so overwhelming, those kids would never have an opportunity to, say, grow up and someday seek the presidency of the United States.”

The Debate

• Of Course He’s Not Racist Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Atlantic
• Only Liberals Are Racist Adam Serwer, The Atlantic
• A Good Samaritan Andrew Belonsky, Gawker
• Think of the Children 44Steve Benen, The Washington Monthly
• Not Too Much of an Inconvenience Eugene Volokh, The Volokh Conspiracy

So unless you’ve been under a rock (or at least, if you haven’t read my blog this week, which is really the same thing, right?), you know that a Justice of the Peace refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple. A lot of people are expressing shock and awe… I’ve seen several comments to the effect, “this is 2009, not 1967.”

Ummm… peeps… I hate to point out the obvious, but Loving vs. Virginia didn’t make us any more post-racial than the 2008 elections. You may not have caught it, but in an article I posted last week, Gallup surveys were cited that indicate only 48 percent of Americans approved of marriage between blacks and whites in 1994, up 77 percent by 2007.

It’s 2009. 1994 was only 15 years ago. My oldest was born in 1996.

The Racial Resentment Card

(I knew we had a card)