Lovers & Fighters

I saw this blog yesterday and like blogs often do, it really struck a chord in me.

 If I had a dime for every time the misses and I got into a heated debate or argument or whatever passes for verbal combat then I would have a lot of dimes, much more than I would care to have. And there are times when sparks are flying that all kinds of bombshells are dropping and things will be brought up that are totally out of left field. Sometimes nerves are rubbed raw and emotions bubble up to the surface from seriously dark depths. And after the argument reaches is climax, slowly things start to subside. It might take a while to unload some adrenaline. Sometimes it takes a little time to push away bad feelings. But ultimately we are able to put everything back into perspective and move on. We’re trying to raise a kid and maintain a commitment to each other. We don’t have much of a choice. Besides, the value of our relationship is worth more than these arguments. I have to admit, she’s much better at it than I.

Brotherpeacemaker is talking about his relationship with his spouse and a somewhat rhetorical argument with a fellow blogger. It just so happened that the day before I saw this, I got into an argument with someone I care very deeply for, and I’m still confused and disoriented by it. I’m not sure what happened on his end, but my agent orange kicked in. By Agent Orange, I’m only partly talking about the ‘dissociative flashback episodes’ experienced by war veterans, in which ‘the traumatic event is persistently  re-experienced’. Of course, for me it’s not a literal experience as a military veteran, but more of a pop culture reference (see # 10 in Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter). I was in a relationship for a very long time with someone who was emotionally abusive. I realized far too late that the relationship had become a war zone. In the 15 months since that relationship ended, I’ve realized that my ex’s emotional manipulation had a much bigger impact on me than I’d have thought possible.

a whole ‘nother blog…

Have I ever mentioned how I love Southern Boys? So I’ve been “single” all of two hours and I meet Mr. Tennessee.

 

Now, I was at Reggae Night the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. At the club formerly known as Mingles, my old stomping grounds, and where, once upon a time, I let Ro catch me. Also where you can probably find 75% of the African community on any given Sunday night and even more if it’s a three day weekend… half of whom know Ro and a good portion of which are related to my daughters in some kinda convoluted way. So even if I’d been ready to meet someone new, Reggae Night at Mingles is the LAST time and place I’d go to do it. But as usually happens when you’re out not thinking about boys… one manages to attract their attention.

 

I noticed him noticing me, and I intentionally did not make eye contact. When I danced, I danced alone or with other girls. When I walked to and from the dance floor, I kept my eyes down so as not to risk looking anyone in the eye. But later on in the evening I kinda got caught in the edges of a bar fight and afterwards he came over to see if I was ok. When he asked if we could talk, I explained I had been separated less than a week. He asked, “Was that your choice or his fault?” and I was a goner. Anyway, I spent the next two weeks exchanging text messages all day with Mr. Tennessee like a high schooler and then spending two or three (and sometimes six) hours on the phone with him at night. I think the heavy infatuation may be wearing off, so I’m not sure entirely where things are going to wind up. He’s been sick this week and kinda withdrawn. On one hand, the sane and rational part of me knows he’s really sick because I took him to the ER last night… the bad thing is, I’m not sure if my head is in a place where I can deal with the give and take of a relationship without internalizing every bad mood and driving myself crazy with… is it me? something I did? blah blah blah blah blah. I already have one moody man in my life that I’m kinda stuck with. Which really sucks, because I do really like this guy.

 

But in other funny news, by Thursday of that week someone who works in the warehouse here at the hangar had called my desk to compliment me, feel me out on my marital status, and invite me out for drinks. Now, I don’t fish off the company pier, but that was one of the nicest phone calls I’ve gotten at work in a long, long time.

 

You must not know ’bout me
You must not know ’bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he’ll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know ’bout me
You must not know ’bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don’t you ever for a second get to thinkin’
You’re irreplaceable (irreplaceable)?

long updates from me

Halle is getting tooth #7! She’s getting pretty steady on her feet as long as she doesn’t go too fast. And Tyler was so well behaved during the children’s service at church yesterday! He is usually such an attention hog that he speaks out during the story or he and his little buddy will start horsing around together. He just sat and listened and kept his hands to himself, no fidgeting or anything, just sent me some smooches. I am so proud of him!