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A very scary prenatal…

I had my first prenatal today. I asked Dr. M as we were starting if we would
also listen for a heartbeat today, and he said it was a little early and we
might not get anything, but we could try. He didn’t pick up anything, and
also said that my uterus was smaller than he’d expect for 13 weeks. I wasn’t
really alarmed as I had the same experience with Tyler and have a history of
late ovulation during stress (and having been laid off/paying my rent almost
two weeks late/losing my sitter/having to put the kids in daycare, etc, was
most definitely stressful!!!). Until I walk to the front to check out and notice that he wrote OB/US TODAY and circled it. I started to worry a little bit. So I made the appointment and went to work for a couple hours, and I was
spotting, which I know is common after a pelvic exam (and has since stopped), but in my previous two pregnancies I NEVER spotted once during either one. So I got a little more worried. I had almost convinced myself I was getting all worked up over nothing when I get in to the ultrasound. This was my 5th (at least) ultrasound. I’ve had them before at 6-8 weeks and I know what the baby/yolk sac looks like at that time. I know how to pick out my uterus on the screen and I never saw anything that definitely looked like a baby (either worm or gingerbread cutout). I never saw a yolk sac. I saw her
measure my uterus and ovaries, but never saw her measure anything else. She never even mentioned attempting to pick up a heart tone. I went back to my dr’s office in tears after the ultrasound because I was so distracted I left
without them drawing my blood. My doc had already left to do hospital rounds, but I had already called and talked to the nurse and afterwards she spoke with dr. m and she told me while she was taking my blood that my doc had ordered the ultrasound solely because he thought my uterus felt 10 weeks, not 13, and not because he suspected anything else. She also told me not to worry yet because I don’t know exactly what the tech was looking at, because I should have seen “something”, even a yolk sac or cyst…

I know that u/s technicians are not actually supposed to tell you anything
(although they usually tell you the good stuff), and she could have just been
not the kind of technician that is talkative, but it just totally freaked me out that she never said, and this is your uterus, here is the baby, now we’re
going to try and pick up a heart beat, do you want a picture… I just have a
terrible feeling that the baby isn’t thriving, or I have some kind of cyst or
something and there never was a baby, or that the baby died and my body
absorbed it (I don’t even know if that’s medically possible). I don’t have any of the symptoms of a molar pregnancy, as that involves an enlarged uterus,
not a small for date uterus. Also, all of the cramping I’ve felt has been at the lower sides of my pelvic area, which is indicative of a growing uterus/stretching ligaments, not in the middle which is indicative of miscarriage. Before today I haven’t had any spotting or bleeding…

But I took a positive preggo test mid july, so I even if I ovulated waaaay
late I would be at least 6 weeks along. I was 6 weeks when I had my 1st u/s
w/Halle and I saw the little worm (have it on tape), so I should have seen
SOMETHING today if whether I am 6 weeks along or 13…

Prayers (of any kind) and positive energy would be much appreciated.

May today there be peace within you.
May you trust the Heavens that you are
exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received,
and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing that you are a child
of infinite worth.
Let faith’s presence settle into your bones,
and allow your soul the freedom to sing,
dance, and to bask in the sun.
It is there for each and every one of you.
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