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long updates from me

Halle is getting tooth #7! She’s getting pretty steady on her feet as long as she doesn’t go too fast. And Tyler was so well behaved during the children’s service at church yesterday! He is usually such an attention hog that he speaks out during the story or he and his little buddy will start horsing around together. He just sat and listened and kept his hands to himself, no fidgeting or anything, just sent me some smooches. I am so proud of him!

I went and paid the registration fee at the Montessori School today. Some of the stuff that’s been happening in Tyler’s class room since he’s been back really disturbs me. While he was in VA w/Joel, a little girl named Jasmine enrolled. Who happens to have a younger sibling in the infant room (Halle is in the  transitional infant room, the one for babies who are mobile but not walking well yet), who may wind up in a class w/her in the future if they both remained there (I have seen Jasmine’s mother and I think I have a healthy idea what a great deal of Jasmine’s problems are, and wouldn’t be surprised if the little boy pulls the same stuff). Anyway, back to the story. Jasmine has some behavioral problems. A few times I’ve seen in her in director’s office when I went to pick up Halle before Tyler got back, but didn’t think much of it. Since Tyler’s been back, I’ve seen the staff have to physically restrain her during tantrums. The day I had the D&C, I went to drop off my note and the carseats at school and let Tyler know that Miss Sara would be picking him up. I go back to talk to him and his teacher (the new one, who also happens to be the one teaching the children grace) pulls me to the side, after she asks one of the aids to PLEASE go get one of the admin staff, and informs me that at lunchtime Jasmine had grabbed at least once, probably twice, at Tyler’s groin area. She was very firm that she thought it was deliberate, that Jasmine is constantly disrupting the classroom and that she doesn’t even want her in her class and feels Jasmine needs a special school (and I think it was from this conversation that I gathered Jasmine had attended the school previously, been removed, and was allowed back because her parent(s)
are taking her to counseling). Now she definitely should not have relayed most of this information to me – I think all she’s actually “allowed” to tell me is that a child grabbed/groped Tyler (not even supposed to tell me who). Now you know me… I’m obviously very upset already because I just found out that I definitely lost the baby, I was molested as a child so hearing that anyone touched Tyler’s privates freaks me out. I marched right into the office where one of the aides is restraining a screaming Jasmine and went off (btw, they had to have Jasmine’s mother come and get her). Told them that if it happened again I would press charges against the school (I have no idea if I can really do this) for allowing it and that I would also press charges against the child and her parent(s) for sexual harassment (which I am pretty sure I can do). Now this was the teacher’s first week and the director told me that she’s more familiar with Jasmine and her problems and that she doesn’t think “where” she grabbed Tyler was deliberate, that when Jasmine grabs, she just grabs. OK. I’ll take your word for that one. Then Friday AM I got a note in Tyler’s box from Thursday saying that he wasn’t listening to the teacher at all, was telling them what he did/didn’t have to do. I asked his teacher about this as Tyler’s never had behavioral problems (on that level), she says Tyler listens to HER, but doesn’t really listen to the aide and that the aide wrote that. I went on to discuss her teaching my son grace, which she thanked me for. The next day I get an almost identical note in his box and this time I go see Velda, the director. Told her I was withdrawing Tyler from the school, that there have been improvements in the staff of the baby room and them
keeping compliance with # of babies/room, but I feel there are issues in the 4yo classroom that they couldn’t control and that I couldn’t have my son
exhibiting the kind of behavior Jasmine does because he sees that she gets away with it (not that they don’t try, but they simply can’t control this child). I showed her the note and she indicated that the LEAD teacher, not the aide, had written it. I said, well then you have a staffing problem as well because she told me just this morning that she had no problem with Tyler listening. Either my son is picking up some very nasty habits from his classmates/is very unhappy here, or your teacher has a problem with gross exaggeration (which is entirely possible from the varying opinions I got from Velda and the teacher in regards to wether Jasmine was groping or grabbing Tyler). I also told her that for the time being Halle was staying at the school but it’s just not in Tyler’s best interest to stay there, which she understood. So that’s that. I also talked to Gina (admin @ villa) and she assured me that because they do not allow the teachers to lead students in prayer, but that they do sing a “friendship” song when it’s time for lunch, to signal the kids that it’s time to settle down and get seated but that it is not a prayer. I can deal with that. I’ve already spoken with his new teacher to give her a heads up about the environment Tyler is coming from just in case he decides to test things there. She indicated right now, with it being the beginning of the term there are a lot of new kids/kids who have been gone for the summer and it’s a big transition time for everyone, so I think it will be a perfect time for tyler to move over since she’s doing a lot of “redirecting” with the class anyway. I think (& hope) that with a little consistency and clear expectations that apply to everyone he’ll be fine. He started to act up and try to do his own thing instead of joining the other kids when I dropped him off at Sunday school, but we had a little talk (and daddy had called and had also backed me up on it) and Ethan told me that they didn’t have any problems whatsoever after I left.

As far as Roro, things still seem improved. He and Tyler are still conversing w/o me running too much interference. Yesterday when I went to the store Roro stayed w/Halle, who was napping and I took Tyler w/me. Tyler asked me to turn around so he could go home and watch football with Roro. He is staying at my place right now but that’s all that’s happening there, though not from a lack of interest on his part. I’m not quite sure what to make of that, to be honest. He did ask me why yesterday, and I asked him if he remembered anything I said before he left. He gave me a mischevious grin and said he didn’t remember shit, which means he remembers everything. I said we’re not together and I am not getting pregnant again. I get the feeling that he thinks that other issues he has on his mind must be dealt with before he can think about us. I’m all for planning, but you have to live in the moment sometimes too! He is talking about moving to Europe again. I am thinking this may be something I hear every year when he makes his trip back there, and that it’s homesickness talking. I don’t know how serious he is considering that he has been so worried about this letter from immigration. I just told him to make sure he gets a job making enough money that he can come back and see his daughter. He got really serious yesterday afternoon and said “you know I wouldn’t ever take a child from the mother. A mother will always do a better job at raising a kid than any man ever could.” I told him that I thought he probably could have done a better job raising a child than some other people I could think of (like Hurriyah’s mom), but I appreciated what he was trying to say. I guess his mother offered again to take her, but he is still saying no because of his mother’s age and also because he feels you can’t raise a child for 14 years in this country and then send her to a country like Sudan where women are expected to be covered, etc… he said that Hurriyah is too old now and wouldn’t be able to handle it. He also said yesterday he’s just going to worry about Halle and that he’s not going to pursue the case for visitation of Brianna. I have mixed feelings about this. I don’t want him to abandon Brianna, but I also know that her mother’s drama will make for a very troubled relationship and I don’t know if that is any better than her never seeing him at all, or waiting until she’s an adult to develop a relationship. He said to me “God knows that I never hurt my child. Her mother can explain to her why she doesn’t have a dad around”. I saw pictures of his parents last night. An old black and white of his father, who passed several years ago, and several of his mother from this trip. He resembles his dad pretty strongly in the eyes and facial structure, and has his mother’s nose and mouth. I was looking at the photos of his mother and she is not beautiful in a model sense, but is VERY striking. She has a very regal presence, very proud. She was wearing full hijaab in all the pictures and I thought to myself, this woman would hate me (or probably strongly disapprove). Just the thought of meeting her (which isn’t even on the horizon at this point) was incredibly intimidating. Then in one picture I noticed that she was wearing a pair of strapless sandals with a low heel, no stockings. (for those of you not familiar with hijaab, it’s the Muslim muslim custom in which women are only to show their face and hands except in the presence of other women/immediate family members). Many women who wear hijaab will wear socks even with sandals). The word “sexy” should never apply to a muslimah (unless in private by her husband, I guess), and this includes her feet. Anyway, I felt much less intimidated by someone wearing snazzy red sandals.

“I believe in giving kids the world and letting them decide about it, not giving the world our kids and letting it decide about them!”
~Author Unknown

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