Home > ADHD & Gifted, raising boys > Oooh, DRAMA.

Oooh, DRAMA.

There was a little drama in Tyler’s class today. Apparently one of the children, J., told Ms. Librarian to shut up. I was floored to hear that. But that’s just where the drama started. Apparently two of the girls, afterwards, were making a list of the ‘bad kids’ for Ms. Teacher (they had a sub), and included J’s name. J. went to erase his name and T., who Tyler lists as a ‘best friend’ said something to him, and apparently J. pushed her. Mr. Substitute witnessed this, and apparently J. ran out of the classroom but came right back. When J. came back, Tyler, who tends to be overprotective when it comes to girls, he told J. that he was going to tell on him. J. flipped him off and called him a f***er. Tyler then proceeded to write a note to Mrs. Teacher.

Dear Ms. Teacher,

J. pushed T.! He ran out of the classroom! He said fuk to me! He told Ms. Librarian to shut up to! If you give him refurl, I would be so thankful!

Your student,
Tyler

I am just more floored by the minute. I’m trying to peice this all together and Ms. Librarian heard what J. said. Mr. Substitute saw what J. did. While what J. did both in the library and the classroom was very wrong, Tyler inflamed the situation and diverted some wrath to himself. Tyler tends to be sensitive, but apparently no one came to his defense when J. made the rude comment; they just all made the ‘ooooh’ sound, but not ‘oooh’, like J. did something bad, ‘oooh ‘ like ‘he told you’. I tried to explain to Tyler that while J. was definitely in the wrong, and it was good of Tyler to want to stand up for T., there is a difference between telling and tattling. The grown ups in charge already were handling the situation, and to threaten to tell on J. when he was already upset, was not necessary. It would be appropriate for him to have told the adult in charge if no one saw J. push T., but that since the adults already had J.’s actions under control, Tyler has no reason to get involved, as the staff will surely let Mrs. Teacher know what happened. We discussed how J. is normally a pretty nice kid who(as far as Tyler knows) has never been in trouble, never picked on anybody, never called anybody a name. We talked about how everyone has bad days and some examples of mistakes he’s made when he was upset or angry. I asked him, how he would feel if he was having a really terrible day and made a BIG mistake that he was probably going to get into a lot of trouble for. Then I asked him how he would feel, in that situation, if someone he thought of as a friend, or at least had never had any problems with, was going to rat him out on top of that, even though he was already in a lot of trouble. I explained that threatening to tell on him at that point was totally unnecessary and very unkind. It’s obvious he didn’t understand that his actions weren’t going to help the situation in any way shape or form; he seemed to think he was doing all the adults around him a favor by breaking it down for them. We talked about giving Mrs. Teacher the note as written. I told him he did not need to tell Mrs. Teacher about the library incident or the shoving. Neither happened to him, and the adults in charge already handled it. He still wanted to tell her about what J. said to him since Mr. Substitute hadn’t heard that, and I asked him if he also planned to tell Mrs. Teacher about what he had done, that led to J. making the rude gesture and calling him a bad name. Tyler had been so full of righteous indignation, and he just cried. He told me that he feels like what everybody says he is (stupid, which is a whole ‘notha story) and that he wishes he wasn’t born. It broke my heart; I hate to see him hurting and I know he is probably feeling as out of step socially as I did (and still do half the time). I don’t know if there was a better way I could have explained this to him. I asked him, if you write another note to Mrs. Teacher, do you think that it will make things better between you and J.? And he said no. I asked him if he wrote this letter to Mrs. Teacher, what did he want her to do with it? And he said ‘nothing, really.’ I asked him, ‘Do you think J. should be in any more trouble than he already is?’ and Tyler said no. I asked, ‘Do you want J. to be punished for it?’ and Tyler said ‘Not really.’ I told him that I thought the best thing for him, and for his friendship with J., would be to say, ‘I’m sorry I said I was going to tell on you, and it really upset me when you called me a bad name.’ Tyler said J. wouldn’t listen. Apparently at some point J. apologized to T. for pushing her, but Tyler informed him that HE would not accept J.’s apology. I asked T. if maybe he just wanted to let it go and forgive it, even if J. didn’t want to talk it out, since we know that J. is normally a pretty good kid who he has never had a problem with, and he said that’s what he wanted to do.

I’m hoping he’s feeling better about this now but I am still very worried.

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