vent…

Wild Child has been sneaking the sweet snacks – pudding, cookies, candy. He has permission if he gets hungry at night or at off-meal times to help himself to a cheese stick, nuts, or fruit, but I keep finding wrappers from the other stuff in his room. He had gotten better about fessing up, but the sneaking sweets happens 1-2 times per week, and he lies to cover it up 1-3 times a month. What I’ve found is helpful, is when I *know* he did it, is to minimize the opportunity for him to lie. I will ask him to tell me what happened with ‘xyz’, and if I can see he’s about to open up his mouth and lie, I tell him to stop and think before he answers. I explain that I already know such n such happened, and I want him to explain it to me. Impulsive lying is really common in ADHD kids… a lot of times a lie will pop out of their mouths before they even realize it. And I’ve found with that approach, he will usually stop and think and candidly give me the truth. But it’s these situations where I’m not sure which of the older two did something, that is a problem. I feel like I’m an interrogator at a Nazi camp or something. And I feel like the sneaking sweets is happening more often, because I’m making their lunches and have more sweet stuff in the house than I normally would. I bought a bunch of snack pack cookies, and I split them up between the kids, with each getting 1/2 the cookies in their lunch as a treat. Sunday, he got a six pack of Oreo cookies and ate them all while I was in the shower. I had already given Daddy’s Girl 2 oreos, and had planned to let Princess & Wild Child each have a couple after Princess and I were done showering. So I go to grab the cookies, and because I had just gotten some for Daddy’s Girl, I notice a pack is missing. I ask who did it and my ex’s son came into the kitchen and looked right in my face and told me he didn’t do it, because he knows what happens when he steals. Told me this again, when Halle came into the room, and didn’t admit it until I said there would be no lunch until I got an answer. I was so furious that he had so boldly offered his lie up about how he knows better than to steal… he got a spanking with a belt for maybe the second time in his life. I told him I hoped he had enjoyed his lunch, and made him go without the McD’s we were on our way out to get. He whined the ENTIRE afternoon about how hungry he was. Sent him to the bathroom (another vent, more on that later) while I checked out at Wal-mart and I grabbed three packages of fruit snacks, and I find him with a piece of gum he picked up OFF THE FLOOR in his mouth. I made him spit it out, lectured him on hygiene, and made him wait to get the snack until after we had finished at the next store and he had behaved in an appropriate manner. Later at home, I come from the back of the house to see Wild Child dump what’s left of Daddy’s Girl’s bag into his hand and shove them in his pocket. I couldn’t believe it. I spanked him again, which obviously didn’t solve the problem the first time but I am just at a loss as to what to do.

I was having some issues with both of the kids, just being whiny and not wanting to pick up after themselves and walking around with this air of entitlement and OMG they were fighting CONSTANTLY, till I couldn’t even stand to be around them. I sat each of them down and ‘splained the difference between a right and a privilege, and that privileges had to be earned. We went to a point system, based on chores, behavior, attitude, etc and they had to buy TV, Playstation, etc. I really felt like it was helping. The whining and arguing went down, they were getting their chores done and being better sports. They were also spending much less time watching TV and more time playing with each other and by themselves. Obviously, sitting down and discussing all this every night and having them give me their input on their ‘score’ takes up a lot time, so I want to get away from that and just have them understand that they have to take care of business first, then they can have whatever privileges they want. I am trying to think of a way to give them an allowance without it being tied directly to chores… but anyway, now I’m just really frustrated that we seem to be backsliding. They bickered all weekend, and Wild Child whined incessantly, and acted like a brat a good part of the time we were in public.

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