on the dark side of ADHD
I try not to ‘relive’ my life through my children. I make a conscious effort to try and NOT transfer my own emotions and experiences onto Tyler’s life, even while I try and tap into those same emotions and experiences so that I can empathize with what he’s going through, and help him. I’ve noticed I keep saying to myself, things like… we’re going to be OK. I suddenly feel like I am reliving my childhood. I was not a stranger to ‘dark’ fantasies… wouldn’t everyone just feel terrible about the way they’d treated me, if I were dead… whether in some horrible accident, while heroically saving someone from a house fire, or by taking my own life.
The good news is, Tyler’s ‘suicide plan’ involves cutting himself with a knife. The ‘good’ in this? It’s very difficult to commit suicide with a knife, it’s very difficult to even cut yourself with a knife… so there’s little concern that Tyler may actually kill himself, or even harm himself. That he, at 9 years old, has thought enough about dying, or felt bad enough, often enough, to formulate a specific plan, regardless how unlikely the plan is to work, is what the concern is.
When Tyler answered Theresa last Thursday, he cited an incident between himself and another classmate he doesn’t get along with, K. I was aware of the friction between him and K, and in February when Tyler wrote his self report, it flagged Mr. C’s attention as well, and he spoke with Tyler about it, and then Tyler, Mr. C, and myself spoke about it, and Mr. C spoke with K. K frequently makes these ‘zinger’ comments, and thinks they are funny, and Mr. C has been trying to work with K to realize they are not. Mr. C and I both discussed with Tyler that K is wrong to act this way, but to keep in mind that he acts this way towards others, rather than actively targeting Tyler. Tyler agreed that this was true, and Mr. C was going to speak with K. I’m not sure what the results of that convo were, but I’ll be finding out this week.
It’s hard to sum up this last week. It really is.
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