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on the dark side of ADHD

I try not to ‘relive’ my life through my children.  I make a conscious effort to try and NOT transfer my own emotions and experiences onto Tyler’s life, even while I try and tap into those same emotions and experiences so that I can empathize with what he’s going through, and help him.  I’ve noticed I keep saying to myself, things like… we’re going to be OK.  I suddenly feel like I am reliving my childhood.  I was not a stranger to ‘dark’ fantasies… wouldn’t everyone just feel terrible about the way they’d treated me, if I were dead… whether in some horrible accident, while heroically saving someone from a house fire, or by taking my own life.

The good news is, Tyler’s ‘suicide plan’ involves cutting himself with a knife.  The ‘good’ in this?  It’s very difficult to commit suicide with a knife, it’s very difficult to even cut yourself with a knife… so there’s little concern that Tyler may actually kill himself, or even harm himself.  That he, at 9 years old, has thought enough about dying, or felt bad enough, often enough, to formulate a specific plan, regardless how unlikely the plan is to work, is what the concern is.

When Tyler answered Theresa last Thursday, he cited an incident between himself and another classmate he doesn’t get along with, K.  I was aware of the friction between him and K, and in February when Tyler wrote his self report, it flagged Mr. C’s attention as well, and he spoke with Tyler about it, and then Tyler, Mr. C, and myself spoke about it, and Mr. C spoke with K.  K frequently makes these ‘zinger’ comments, and thinks they are funny, and Mr. C has been trying to work with K to realize they are not.  Mr. C and I both discussed with Tyler that K is wrong to act this way, but to keep in mind that he acts this way towards others, rather than actively targeting Tyler.  Tyler agreed that this was true, and Mr. C was going to speak with K.  I’m not sure what the results of that convo were, but I’ll be finding out this week. 

It’s hard to sum up this last week.  It really is.

Heidi

 

Unfortunately, the part that makes us “good parents” is the part that has to sometimes ‘relive’ the ugly in order to move forward and guide those babies.  This is what makes your relationship with your child unique, because you ARE able to empathize, relate and understand through your own experiences and it provides the buffer for them to NOT have to live it quite so hard or when they do hit it hard, you are the one person who can bring them back. 

Sometimes it is hard to look into our childrens eyes and see the mirror of ourselves, because in them we see the pain we experienced and we feel the anguish of their suffering. 

You are a Great Mom!!  Just remember that!  The love you all have for each other – – WILL get you through this!! 
 

Posted by Heidi on March 27, 2006 – Monday – 11:51 PM
 
Ei

 

Cyndi,

I can’t tell you how many times I look into the eyes of my children in fear that they will live my most painful childhood memories (in fact I’m kind of going through the same thing right now, just a different picture from a different past in a different frame, you know?)

I’m glad most of all that you are getting Tyler the help he needs right now.  The difference between them and us is they HAVE us.  At least in my case, even if she’d been able to see through her own issues I don’t know if my own mother would have known HOW to make better choices for me.  I’m so glad that Tyler has that uber blessing he calls mom.
 

Posted by Ei on March 28, 2006 – Tuesday – 5:34 AM
 
Belle

Belle Godfrey

I think “K”…needs to chill.  Would talking to his mom make a difference.  Sometimes, moms and dads are worse than their kids.

I love you and you know Tyler has his own special place in my heart!  You are amazing and will pave the way for him.  I hurt for him too.

Posted by Belle on March 28, 2006 – Tuesday – 6:30 AM

on the dark side of ADHD – CURLYGURL’s MySpace Blog | Cyndi–s Jewels

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