small town shakedown, day 1 – JUL 8 2006
So I arrived safely in Kansas City, MO yesterday… and much to her relief, so did Heidi, who doesn’t like driving in cities. She got into and out of Kansas City without getting lost… but did take me on the scenic route getting home to her new home in Madison. Her husband suggested she take a short cut… ’nuff said. Lessee… I almost went blind pulling into Madison when I saw the red brick road, at which time I immediately began screaming “a red brick road… oh my god my eyes my eyes…” If you don’t get that… I probably can’t explain it to you. The Herington-ites all know what I’m talking about.
So her house is teeny and cute… it reminded me of Neicey’s little bungalow cottage. We stopped at the (notice I said, “THE”, not “A”) gas station and I got my first fix of the trip… cherry Nibs, which can’t be found in Phoenix but are a staple in every gas station in the heartland. We stopped at the National Guard in Emporia, where I met Mr. Heidi Paugh… James, who REALLY DOES look like Bruce Willis, specially in fatigues and a beret.
At this point, Daija has finally awaken. I let her stay up until she passed out Thursday night… and that time was around ***3AM*** Friday morning. So she slept through the wait at the airport, the flight, and the majority of the drive from KC MO to Madison, KS. She was fully alert for the jaunt to Emporia to Herington and almost made us (well, at least me) pee myself.
Daija wants to pick up someone she knows from a school. I can’t figure out what she’s talking about, and she describes a male, with an adams apple… this is normal and I’m wracking my brain trying to think who we know that has a prominent adams apple. But wait… Daija says he has an ant on his head… no, not an ant, a spider. No, he has three spiders… not four spiders, but three spiders, and she waggles her fingers above her forehead as though spider legs are just sprouting from her skull. And he’s a monster, and he’s eating her brother.
But my brother is not a snack.
(deadpan, she says this).
OMG, she is hilarious.
So we got to Herington, see my stepmom, and swing by Heidi’s childhood home to see her parents. Then it’s on to the local Pizza Hut for my second fix of the trip… TACO PIZZA. You’d think I could get something like that in a city the size of Phoenix… but not.
I’m not sure how this started, but at some point in the joking around Heidi knocked on either Tyler or Halle’s forehead and I’m not sure if she said it or they started the multiplication. But I look up and I see Tyler and Halle taking turns ‘knocking’ on Heidi’s forehead like they’re knocking on a door. It goes like this…
T: (knock knock) times two
H: (knock knock) times four
T: (knock knock) times 20
H: (knock knock) times 40
T: (knock knock) times a million
H: (knock knock) times a thousand
T: (knock knock) times times Pie
(as in, the math equation, not the fruity dessert)
Thankfully, I’d recently visited the ladies’ room.
My stepmom took the kids’ home, and Heidi and I cruised around town for a few minutes before stopping at one of the three bars Herington offers, which advertised karaoke. I was prepared to be driven out in a short period of time by drunk, off pitch singing of hyper patriotic or ‘my dog’s dead, my truck broke down, gimme a beer’ style music. We were both really surprised, not only by the skill of almost everyone who sang, or that there were a lot of men singing, or the range of music being sung. We heard a rendition of “It’s a Wonderful World” that gave us both goosebumps. Oh, and we saw ***eye candy***. I don’t remember Herington offering much in the way of eye candy. And I’m pretty strictly a Levi’s kinda girl, but I even saw some eye candy wrapped in a pair of Wranglers that was rather appealing. Also ran into a handful of people we knew from our high school years, including a friend from the little clique that I ran with, Ray Perez, aka Moose. OMG, I have a picture I should try to dig up, from Spirit Week, specifically Career Day. Me and Jennifer Fringer (now Cooper) dressed up as hookers, and Chip Cooper and Ray Perez dressed up as our pimps. LOL, Jennifer brought in a couple garters… mine said “World’s of Fun” (snort). OMG, I wonder where that is… thinking back on it now, I can’t believe we didn’t get sent home. I promise to scan it if I can find it.
The one thing I was really disappointed in is that with most of the dancing (to the pop music anyway) was done pretty exclusively by women and the men sat and watched. Towards the end of the evening they played a couple songs I love so I danced, but by Heidi at the bar, because I wasn’t interested in being part of the simulated orgy playing out on the dance floor. That got some notice, and I had a guy come shake my hand and another walk over and raise his hat to me. I guess if I ever wanna move back home I can count on a relatively successful career as an exotic dancer.