Thanksgiving

Reunions

So a lot’s happened on the family front since last week…

I spent about two and a half hours on the phone with my uncle Friday night, followed by a good four hours with my aunt on Saturday and another hour(ish) on Sunday. Mostly we were catching up with each other on what’s happened in the last thirty-four or so years, and each other’s families and children. I can’t remember what day or hour into conversation that my aunt and I talked about my biological father and where to go with all that.. but she wanted to let me know that he was going to be in PHX over Thanksgiving, thinking it might be more comfortable for me, if he and I were to meet, if it were on my turf, so to speak. She’s a smart lady, my auntie.

So I asked the question that had been on my mind since the first contact. Since she had asked if it was OK with me to tell him she’d found me, should I assume that this is information he wants to know? He wasn’t the one to come looking for me, and he hadn’t had any more children, so I couldn’t help wondering if this was something he’d welcome. So my aunt and I had a pretty candid discussion, and she admitted that he’s not one who deals well with emotion, and tends to withdraw from any kind of intense emotional situations. Based on the things I mentioned already and just kinda putting together this and that from various conversations, I’d already gotten that impression. My aunt had suggested telling him and giving him my number and letting him take the next step. I told her I was OK with her telling him that she’d gotten in touch with me, but asked her to leave it at that.  If he asked about or expressed an interest in contacting me, she could give him my number, but I didn’t want him to feel at all pressured by any expectations, hers or mine, real or perceived.I have a dad, and he’s awesome. I’d like to get to know [bio dad], but I don’t want anything that he can’t give freely.

Sunday I got a voice mail from my aunt, to let me know she’d spoken with [bio dad]. She was pretty excited, because she’d expected kind of a non-reaction at first, but that he’d been very interested, asked a lot of questions, and seemed almost excited. She said she thought he’d call, but wasn’t sure when. I was thinking in my mind, that he’d probably call the following weekend. I know it took me from Tuesday to Friday night to really get to a point where I could wrap my head around everything to string two sentences together and have anything resembling an intelligent conversation.

But [bio dad] surprised us both, and called me the next evening. He was visibly audibly nervous and clearly way out of his comfort zone. He introduced himself by name and I said hello… he asked how I was, I asked how he was, and he laughed shakily and said,

Scared.

It made the conversation a lot easier for me, that’s for sure. Shoot, I was just incredibly nervous. But I understood how he must have felt. 

He told me right up front at the beginning of the conversation that he’s not real good with people or emotions, and if he said or did anything that I felt crossed the line or upset me to please let him know. I told him that was fair, and not to worry… I’m not one who’s known for holding back her feelings. If you make me mad, there will be no doubt in your mind.

We had a nice conversation, though there was a real awkward moment when he asked me if my children were mulatto, and I had to explain that was a socially acceptable term about a hundred years ago, but today most people consider it a racial slur. He took that pretty well, didn’t get defensive and go for a derail, reworded his question, and then told me that a couple of the other grandkids in the family are multiracial. I got the feeling he was trying to make a connection with me somehow. It was a little misguided, but not ill intentioned, and I don’t think I’ve ever had the “that thing you said was racist” conversation go so well.

He brought up that he would be in PHX for the holiday, and asked if he could buy me a cup of coffee, and I told him I’d really like that. So in addition to that reunion, my uncle Joe and his wife Debbie are driving up on Saturday to have breakfast with us and spend some time together. Two weeks after that, coincidentally my birthday weekend, my aunt Joyce will be in town and we’ll be getting together for dinner.

Tackle It Tuesday – week 48

Quick Beader

I am going to mail these Quick Beaders to Becky Boop.

She’s been waiting on them for a LOOONG time.

I bought them in May.

Sometimes I really suck in the friend department…

I’m glad she loves me anyway.

 

 

 

“Big Fat Head”

"Big Fat Head"

Dr 2nd Grade,

Could you please speak with the boy who sits behind Daija about this? Its such a struggle for my girls to maintain a healthy self esteem and racial identity. This isn’t the first time Daija has complained that someone in class made her feel bad about her hair, But its the first time she’s begged me to straighten it…

“Even if it burns me, I promise not to cry.”

I’m pretty upset by this, and so is she.

Menu Plan Monday: Cyndi has a new crack-pot

Crock-Pot® Smart-Pot® Slow Cooker

OK, so I’ve amused people to no end by my habit of referring to my blackberry as my crackberry… so I couldn’t resist the title for a blog about my new toy. I invested in a new crock pot today… I have one, but it has a couple limitations, the biggest being that I’m away from the house for 9-10 hours during the week, and it’s a manual crock pot and always cooks most things in 6-8. Secondly, it’s 4 quarts, and there are a couple great looking recipes that feed 7-8 people (which means I could stretch it to two meals for the curly crew or leftovers for my lunch).  So my new purchase is 6 qts, with a locking lid and a timer with auto off feature… I can start the crock pot with the timer on the low end of the recommended cooking time, then it will switch to warm. If it isn’t quite done when I get home, I can just pop that sucker on high while the kids & I make salads, set the table, etc.

Make it Fast, Cook it Slow: The Big Book of Everyday Slow Cooking

Earlier this week, Amazon.com delivered my new cookbook. I looked through it Friday night and was happy to see that my faith in Becky Boop was not misplaced… I have never seen a cookbook that had so many recipes that I was excited to make. Even better, many of them required little or no chopping or preparing. Saturday morning I had a little chit chat with the spawn about how much fast food we won’t be eating anymore. I figured I’d get their buy-in a great deal faster if they had some ownership. I had each of the kids pick out a dinner recipe from the new book of spells. Last night we had Halle’s pick, Sweet & Spicy Salmon, which was good, but a little chewy. I think I cooked it a little too long… that recipe is definitely one that leans towards the lower end of the cooking time range. Daija chose Sweet & Spicy Chicken Wings, which we’ll be having for dinner tonight, and Tyler chose Chicken Pot Pie for Wednesday. I have the fixings for Crockpot Cowboy Stew and Chicken Tacos to fill in the rest of the week that we’re not eating some version of Turkey.

I may never use another pot or pan. I’ll be honest, when I was standing and looking at the frozen turkeys, I wondered if they make crock pots big enough to cook a turkey in.

Attitude of Gratitude

Today will not be a day of rest for me, since I’ll be doing all the things I didn’t get done while I was on the phone for the better part of Friday night and Saturday. But it will be a thankful day…

Today I am grateful for the internets and for Facebook.

They brought me  two aunts, four uncles, eight cousins, and two second cousins.

That’s a lotta family to get on a random Tuesday evening.

…but now am found

So I’m about to turn 18 for the second time (this means I’m almost 36), so I really didn’t see this message coming:

Looking for my niece!

Joyce – November 17 at 7:38pm
I am looking for my niece her name is Cynthia Sheela Whitmore, birthdate is [the month & year of my birth] her mothers name is Caryn. Please let me know if you are her?

And I was like… wow. Don’t think there’s much chance of there being another Cyndi Whitmore out there born the same month & year as I, with a middle name of Sheelah and a mother by the name of Caryn (yeah, the unique spellings are a long tradition in my family).

Cyndi – November 17 at 7:52pm
that’s all me! How old are you? I used to have some pictures, and I think you may have been in one of them… I’m having a hard time placing my age or any of the names from the pictures but Joyce seems familiar
Sent via Facebook Mobile

Joyce – November 18 at 8:41am
I was 12 when you were born. You and your mom lived with us until you were about six months old and I only saw one other time very briefly after that, so if you have a picture it would have been when you were a small infant. I am so excited to find you. Would it be alright if I let [bio dad] know?

And another wow. Up until that point, I literally hadn’t known whether he was still alive. And knowing only what my mother had told me, I didn’t feel ready for that step. I thought it over throughout the day, and responded later that evening while I was waiting for volleyball tryouts to get started, asking if she would mind not saying anything quite yet, explaining I’d like it if she and I could talk first, so I could ask a few questions. She graciously agreed, and the conversation continued…

Joyce – November 18 at 6:40pm
[snipped]I know you don’t remember me, but, I do remember you and you have always been in my thoughts and have a special place in my heart.

Cyndi – November 18 at 6:55pm
More details when I’m not on a crackberry but I’ve always felt a connection with you (err, your picture).. Does [bio dad] have other children? Where does he live? Where do you live?
Sent via Facebook Mobile

I learned that my biological father does not have any other biological children and that he is still living in northern AZ… and that in addition to this aunt living in Massecheusettes, I have an aunt in Phoenix, cousins in Scottsdale, two uncles in the Flagstaff area and one in Tucson.

Later that evening, I was able to chat with my aunt for about an hour. I confided that even though I hadn’t ever felt like I was missing a father, I’d wondered about [bio dad] and about siblings & extended family… and that some small part of me had hoped that someone would have wanted me enough to find me, and that if they did, they’d be proud of what they found.

Joyce
oh you have no idea, when I just told [an uncle] earlier, he was shocked and so happy. He barely could wait for me to send you the friend request fast enough, he said he’s been praying to find you for years.

I got a message on Facebook shortly after I’d accepted the friend request from my Uncle Joe. He thinks it’s fantastic that Joyce found me, said he and his wife would love to meet me, gave me his phone number, saying if I could call, that would be great.

I once was lost… « curlykidz.

The Curly Crew debut at The Next Family — A Diverse Community For Modern Families

So a couple weeks ago I was invited to be a contributing blogger for multiracial families at The Next Family. My contributions will actually start waaaay back in 1999 when I first started blogging, so readers can kinda follow along with our family story. So, if you happen to have missed the last ten years of my wit, wisdom, and sheer brilliance… by all means, hustle on over there and subscribe to the RSS feed.

What is The Next Family?

The Next Family is a diverse community where modern families meet. It is the start of an on-going open minded and sincere dialog between urbanite families, adoptive families, in vitro parents, interracial families, same sex parents, single parents and so on. It is a way to remind people that the Next Generation of families already exists in larger numbers than the old model of a “family unit”.

The Next Family is the foundation of future families.

As you navigate through our site, please start the dialog with us by offering input as to the ways today’s Modern Families aren’t being served. Let us know what products you wish you had access to or cool stuff you would like to be created just for your “Next Family”.

This site will have resources available and answers to those tough questions you are asked about your own family or the family around the corner from you. The tough questions are asked, and the answers will be as diverse as our community.

We look forward to hearing your stories, and meeting your family!

You can check out my introduction at The Next Family — A Diverse Community For Modern Families.

I once was lost…

Mommy, Cyndi, Daddy

So this isn’t something that usually comes up unless some brave soul tries to navigate my family tree, but I am (legally) adopted… sort of. The adoption itself was legal, so that’s not the sort of part. The adoption papers, from what I recall, show that both my parents adopted me, but my mother is my biological mother; my legal father is her second husband. 

Yeah, it’s complicated. 

Now, I’ve learned over the years that anything my mother tells me is more likely than not to be extremely slanted with enough spin to be a tilt-a-whirl ride at the World’s Fair… but this is the story as it was told to me.

Parents who are comfortable with their teenager on social networking sites | Adolescent Sexuality

Folks, I want to talk with parents – mothers or fathers – who feel basically comfortable with their teenager(s) being on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace, etc. There are lots of parents who feel pretty passionately about watching over their teenagers in one way or another – by “friending” them, keeping their passwords, and just flat-out telling them they can’t be on these sites. These are not the parents I hope to talk with. If you are aware that your teenager is on these sites (or at least one of them), and you pretty much trust your teenager and do not intervene, I’d love to talk with you.

Please e-mail me (karen.rayne@gmail.com) or leave a comment here (http://karenrayne.com/2009/11/17/parents-and-teens-and-social-networking/)…

Please feel free to post this request anywhere you feel would be appropriate.

via Parents who are comfortable with their teenager on social networking sites | Adolescent Sexuality by Dr. Karen Rayne.

TEAM AZ Volleyball Tryout Results!

I am SO VERY PROUD of my girl! Halle had her third and final round of volleyball tryouts Wednesday night. The 12 & under teams don’t have “cuts” but the girls are placed on teams based on their skill level & performance during tryouts. Halle was placed on team two, which is the second level of the four 12yo teams.  She’s really excited to be playing with her best friend Savione who is playing for the first time this year, and her friends Kamryn, Sia, & Tammia.

Also, a special shout out to her 2008-2009 teammates who made 12’s team one… Brandy, Julisa, and Keann, and Jemina & Mikayla who made the cut for a spot on a 14 & under team,  a super special shout out to Shekinah, who is young enough to try out for 12’s but went tried out for the 14 & unders and snagged one of the 24 positions on the 14yo & under team! This is a real accomplishment, because there are only 2 teams on 12 and 48 girls tried out. 

Dont Want to Put on My Booty Shoes | Bitch Magazine

excellent commentary on the OH SO OFFENSIVE Reebok EasyTone advertising campaign…

Kate Harding at Broadsheet compares this nasty campaign to the way Nike sells women’s shoes.

Nike’s far from perfect, of course, but when they used boobs, they belonged to Serena Williams and appeared under her crossed, muscular arms and a high-necked T-shirt that read “Athlete,” with the caption, “Are you looking at my titles?” When they used close-ups on female body parts and copy about how others might perceive them, it was with text like, “My mother worries I will never marry with knees like these. But I know there’s someone out there who will say to me: I love you and I love your knees,” and “My butt is big and that’s just fine. And those who might scorn it are invited to kiss it.” If the new Reebok ads help the company knock Nike out of the top spot, then I’ll admit that they made good business sense (after I’m done sobbing), but as it is, the market leader is the one that uses images of strong women who care more about being athletic than being pretty. The market leader is the one that figured out how to sell a major female fantasy: being treated with at least a modicum of respect by advertisers.

check out the complete article at Dont Want to Put on My Booty Shoes | Bitch Magazine.

Tackle It Tuesday – Week 47

Today I am tackling Mt. Laundry, which resides in Sofa Valley.

If you haven’t heard from me by this time tomorrow, call in The Civil Air Patrol… I will be searching for a portal to the Land of Lost Socks and am not sure of finding my way back.

why Will won’t pledge << The Next Family

 

What an awesome kid!

At the end of our interview, I ask young Will a question that might be a civics test nightmare for your average 10-year-old. Will’s answer, though, is good enough — simple enough, true enough — to give me a little rush of goose pimples. What does being an American mean?

“Freedom of speech,” Will says, without even stopping to think. “The freedom to disagree. That’s what I think pretty much being an American represents.”

Somewhere, Thomas Jefferson smiles.

The Next Family » A Boy And His Flag- why Will won’t pledge- An Article from the Arkansas Times

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RIP Shaniya Davis

I hope you are with angels now.

Body of Shaniya Davis Found Alongside North Carolina Highway – ABC News.